TNA Impact
December 8th, 2005

Ok, I'm still way WAY behind, but I'm making progress today, at least. Unfortunately, work's a little busier than expected, which will probably keep me from doing this all in one day, like I was hoping for. Oh well, I'll do my best.

So we're up to Thursday of last week, when Impact broadcast a special "Prime-Time" show (starting at 9pm, but oh well), due to the fact that the Video Game Awards were on Saturday. At least Spike TV keeps giving Impact a chance to grow, time conflicts or not. So what will happen, only a few days before Turning Point '05?

Let's get to it.

- Match #1: Jeff Jarrett & America's Most Wanted defeated Jeff Hardy & the Naturals. Strange opening match, in my mind. I would have rather seen a Jarrett/Rhino confrontation. But oh well. AMW had a table reserved for Team 3-D. Back-and-forth match, both in and out of the ring, including a great-looking spot where Chase Stevens tossed his partner, Andy Douglas, onto AMW from the stage. Jarrett looked strange in this one, as Hardy's green bodypaint rubbed off onto Jarrett's hair, giving him that Hulk-esque look. Ok, maybe more like Hulk's old ally, Doc Sampson (comic geeks like myself will get that one, heh). In the end, James Storm blocked a Natural Disaster on Jarrett, allowing Jarrett to get the Stroke for the victory. Always seems like Jarrett's going to lose w/o his back-up, nowadays, doesn't it?

- After the match, AMW handcuffed Hardy, then destroyed Douglas, giving him the 3-D through the table (that was reserved for Team 3-D; ah well, this is wrestling. They'll find another table).

- Another Rhino as "Rocky" video aired, with Rhino really resorting to curse words to describe what he's going to do to Jarrett. I kind of liked the earlier videos better, but the intensity is still there. These videos have definitely made me more of a Rhino fan, that's for sure.

- We had another interaction between Raven and Larry Zbyszko (with security keeping Raven at bay). Raven wants his title shot, but Larry correctly points out that Raven lost last week, and losers don't get title shots. Hey, Raven, sorry, but he's right. Larry has a surprise for Raven at Turning Point, unless Raven signs the release, which I doubt Raven will ever do, unless you really find someone to beat the crap out of him.

- Match #2: Samoa Joe killed the Amazing Red. Red made his return to TNA in a bad way, getting put against the new monster of the company. Red got in some offense, but it was all Joe after that, winning with the Muscle Busta/Kokina Clutch submission in under 3 minutes. Shelley was at ringside, filming the action on his little camera (what's the matter, Shelley, don't you have Tivo? Honestly, if you want to see good footage of the match, just hook into the multiple camera angles of the tv show. Just my opinion). Joe chased off Shelley after the match.

- The big announcement finally came, as Mike Tenay came into the ring with AJ Styles, Chris Sabin, & Sonjay Dutt. Tenay announced to the ring Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, Chicago White Sox star AJ Pierzynski, and strength coach Dale "The WCW KISS Demon" Torborg. Both Heenan and Pierzynski talk about their World Series win, to a kind of dead crowd. They give autographed bats to the TNA stars, with Styles ready to return the favor. But Simon Diamond & the Diamonds in the Rough then come out to interrupt, bashing the White Soxs and bringing up Pierzynski's batting average of .256. Torborg protected Pierxynski, with Simon slapping Torborg, causing a brawl. Not a big surprise there.

- Match #3: 4 Live Kru (Kip James & Konnan) defeated the Beasts of Burden (Sinn & Helvis). This match was about a minute's worth of James & Konnan slaughtering the Beasts, ending with James giving Sinn a Pumphandle Slam, followed by Konnan forcing Sinn to tap to the Tequila Sunrise. Short, short match. BG James, Ron Killings, and "Bullet" Bob Armstrong all watched the match.

- Terry Taylor went to interview Team Canada, but Bobby Roode did most of the talking, shoving Taylor away. Roode & Scott D'Amore bash Christian Cage for not joining them, and expect to destroy him later that night. Pretty standard heel interview.

- Match #4: Christian Cage defeated Bobby Roode with the Unprettier, despite interference from Scott D'Amore and Monty Brown. Pretty good match here. The ref got bumped late into the match, allowing D'Amore to try to interfere, only to get pulled into the ring by Cage. Brown then came out and attacked Cage, going for the Pounce, but Cage fell flat and dodged it, causing Brown to Pounce D'Amore instead! Cage disposed of Brown, then dodged a hockey stick try by Roode, getting a drop toehold to take him down. Cage then racked Roode with the stick, before getting the Unprettier and waking the ref to get the pin.

- After the match, Cage loses all sense of where he is, posing instead of worrying about everyone else. Of course, Brown comes back in and attacks, then gets the Pounce to land on Cage.

- Before the commercial break, we see Father James Mitchell leading Abyss into the building. A lot of people were saying that they wanted to see Abyss vs. Sabu in their "Barbed Wire Massacre" Match the most, while Jeff Jarrett vs. Rhino for the NWA World Title was near the bottom. Yet, of course, Abyss vs. Sabu will kick off Turning Point, while Jarrett vs. Rhino will main event. You figure it out.

- Mitchell and Abyss came to the ring, with Mitchell again using some high-level language to cut him down. He also talked about picking up Sabu's pieces of flesh after the match and feeding them to his dogs. Ewww. The lights, of course, then went out, as Sabu appeared, with the ring suddenly surrounded by barbed wire instead of ropes. The match ends this way, with Sabu suddenly being an Undertaker-like figure.

Summary: Not a fan of the ending, because I hate all "suspensions of reality" in wrestling. Of course, I'll get into more of that when I write this week's Smackdown-Is-A-Horror-Movie column later on. The rest of the card was actually pretty good, catering to my "wrestling" side of happiness. It was a good promotion for the Turning Point '05 PPV, and it was what they needed for a good night of wrestling. Would I still rather have seen more X Division action? But of course! But at least I had Samoa Joe slaughter someone, which is always fun.

The Accelerator