WWE Monday Night Raw
October 31st, 2005

It's the Halloween edition of Raw! Whenever Raw has a holiday edition (Halloween, Christmas, Groundhog Day), you know it's going to be unpredictable. It lived up to that, and more, as some wrestlers disappeared and others reappeared (both from Smackdown and black holes), only ONE DAY from Taboo Tuesday! Let's get to it.

- The show started in a very interesting fashion, as Eric Bischoff and Chris Masters called out Teddy Long and Rey Mysterio for a "Masterlock Challenge". Masters did his normal run, making fun of Mysterio's height. When he asked Rey if he had any questions, Rey answered with a statement: a mic to the head. The two fought for a minute, as Bischoff called for the Raw back-up (aka the Raw heels). Long then called for the Smackdown squad (the other men available for voting), who cleared the ring of the Raw goons. Smackdown stood tall in the ring, with Long saying that the same result would happen at Taboo Tuesday. One quick note: rumors on the Net said that this would be the last appearance of Christian in WWE, unless he somehow is voted in on TT. Hopefully, he's interested in TNA instead.

- Bischoff, in the back with Masters, Edge, & Lita, says that Raw can't lose on their own show. Maybe he'll bring back nWo Sting or the Yeti to guarantee their success (keep reading the results, that'll make more sense later).

- Match #1: Kurt Angle defeated Tajiri with the Ankle Lock. Tajiri, surprisingly, actually did get in some offense, which was nice to see. He wasn't completely jobbed out, and it was cool how Angle reversed the Tarantula into the Ankle Lock.

- After the match, Angle talked about John Cena, and about Angle's 3 victories over the champ. He also wanted the tap out shown again, which Cena apparently took offense to, as Cena ran out right as the clip ended, attacking Angle and sending him from the ring. Angle backed away as Cena called him in, even as we went to commercial.

- The Coach was shown at ringside, in a "Stone Cold Redneck" outfit, complete with a 'red neck'. The King is dressed as, well, a King, although that's actually a trick (more later).

- Ric Flair came out and again asked for a cage match. Ok, Ric, we get it, chill out.

- Match #2: Eugene won, via DQ, over Rob Conway. It had to end this way, considering that these two are fighting tommorrow. Conway seemed to be in trouble, almost getting pinned after a Rock Bottom, so he used a steel chair on Eugene, causing the DQ. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, and Kamala all ran out for the save, squashing Conway. Jerry Lawler (showing himself as not The King, but the Burger King!) also got into the act, with a Fist Drop on Conway. My vote, since the King isn't available, is still for Duggan.

- Todd Grisham, doing an impression of Harry Caray, tried to interview Gregory Helms, who just walked away. Grisham then interviewed Mick Foley, who said he had just put a surprise for Carlito into the production truck, apparently to match a surprise Carlito has for him.

- Carlito came down to the ring and talked about how he didn't care which Foley he faced, because the only face that mattered was his own. Dude Love (Foley #1) interrupted on the Titon Tron, giving a Dude Speech, followed by Cactus Jack (Foley #2) and Mankind (Foley #3). The mask looked kind of tight on Mankind, I gotta admit. Nice segment, though, it got the fans going. But what happened to Carlito's "surprise" for Foley? Annoying, having a plot hole like that.

- Right after the Foley segment ends, the Coach tells Carlito not to worry, then gets up and calls out Steve Austin. He even puts "all his cards on the table", bringing out Goldust! Yep, that's right, Dusty Rhodes' little boy appears on Raw soon after Rhodes himself joins WWE. About 100 Internet gurus are patting themselves on the back for calling this one. Vince McMahon then came out and told the Coach & Goldust that Austin was in some sort of accident over the weekend, and won't be making Taboo Tuesday. The crowd wasn't happy.

(Note: Austin, according to Internet gossip, balked at losing to the Coach at Taboo Tuesday; thus, the injury)

- Vince McMahon instead brought out someone to go against the Coach: Smackdown's #1 Announcer Funaki! Yep, Funaki was actually on Raw. And he got killed, mostly by Goldust. Another Cruiserweight knocked down. Sigh. As the two celebrated, Vince said that the first Smackdown star to step forward would get the Coach at Taboo Tuesday. Surprisingly, Batista then came out! Wow, this is turning weird. Batista went down to the ring to confront the Coach & Goldust. The Coach actually decided to try a cheap shot, which just angered Batista. But then Goldust hit him from behind and actually beat him down for a while. As Batista started to mount a comeback.... BIG VAN VADER came to the ring!! *rubbing eyes* Batista got the Spinebuster on Goldust, but then got creamed by Vader and beaten down. So, apparently, Batista will now face the Coach on Taboo Tuesday. I'm really confused now if this is better or worse.

- Match #3: Triple H destroys Viscera in about 30 seconds with the Pedigree. Embarrassing for big Vis, that's for sure. Triple H hit Vis with a chair shot, then talked about Flair some before leaving. Hmph.

- John Cena was interviewed by Todd Grisham (aka Harry Caray). Cena actually referenced his wearing the Vanilla Ice costume, which unbelievably started his rise. Grisham tried to be Harry Caray, and did alright to me, but Cena said he was just sad. Cena then bashed on Angle kissing up to Bischoff and Michaels just wanting the title. Good interview, Rock-like to me.

- Match #4: Another meaningless match, as Kane & the Big Show, in a Texas Tornado Match, easily beat down one of the only tag-teams left on Raw, the Heart Throbs. Those guys are just absolute jokes now, and need to go back to OVW (or Smackdown, I suppose). A Double Chokeslam ended things after only a few minutes.

- The King brought down the competitors for the Diva Halloween Costume Contest. Torrie Wilson was noticeably absent, and has supposedly been released from WWE (probably so she could be with her hubby, Billy Kidman). Maria (former announcer) took her place. Mickie James was dressed as Trish Stratus, while Stratus was dressed as Wonder Woman. I voted for Candice Michelle (who was dressed as Catwoman), but there was no winner, as James interrupted and wanted everyone to cheer for Trish. This started a brawl among the women, with Victoria and Candice being beaten down by James, Stratus, Ashley, & Maria.

- Match #5: John Cena and Shawn Michaels went to a No-Contest, thanks to Kurt Angle running in and attacking both. It was a pretty good match while it lasted, wetting the appetites of those expecting Angle/Cena/HBK tommorrow. After the match, Angle got caught and set up for the FU by Cena, but HBK took advantage to give Cena some Sweet Chin Music, leaving him laying. HBK got the title, then gave it back to Cena, at least for now.

Summary: Ok, short and sweet, this was better than last week, but not by much. It was a crazy Raw that's going to lead into a crazy Taboo Tuesday. You almost need a scorecard to keep up with stuff: Austin - Gone, Christian - Gone, Wilson - Gone, Vader - Back, Goldust - Back, The Lock Ness Monster - Unknown.

Honestly, I didn't see much out of Vader, but I'm scared. At least Goldust looked like he was still in shape, in his third or fourth return to WWE. Even I've lost track.

It really wasn't a horrible card, all told, and Cena/Michaels made the night worth watching, but the rest of the matches were completely forgettable, and that's with Angle, Triple H, the Big Show, and Kane all in action. So that's saying something. The big question that needs to be answered for me is, since Austin has 'forfeited', is he fired now? And is JR not coming back in any capacity? Just curious.

This time 6 months from now: Christian, Austin, Kidman, Wilson, & JR invade TNA. Yeah, baybee!

Ok, so it's very unlikely. Sue me.

The Accelerator