WWE Monday Night Raw
October 24th, 2005


We're eight days away from Taboo Tuesday, which isn't really much time at all. They've got a lot of matches to build up quickly, so let's see what Vince McMahon has up his sleeve.


- Match #1: Shawn Michaels won a "Triple Threat" Match over Kane and the Big Show. The pace went all over, with the Big Show fighting against a double-team at the beginning of the match. In fact, the Big Show was dominating throughout, especially on HBK. Kane, meanwhile, seemed to have some major rust, missing some big moves, including a messed-up suplex on the Big Show (alright, so that isn't an easy thing to do). Near the end, a frustrated Kane threw some chairs into the ring, then, as the ref was distracted with the chairs, used another on on TBS's skull. Kane then went to the top rope, but came off to HBK's Sweet Chin Music. Except, of course, that someone was off, because the SCM barely grazed Kane. He went down anyway, as HBK turned and nailed TBS with another kick, then got the victory.

- John Cena was shown freaking out while being interviewed in a speeding racecar by Wally something or other. Cena said to leave NASCAR to "the big boys". Ummm, ok. In an ironic twist, Cena had had trouble fitting in the car.

- Jerry Lawler worked to embarrass the Coach (still wearing a JR hat), showing the footage from last week where Steve Austin poured a beer in his hat. The King also referenced the three choices for the fans at Taboo Tuesday, either a Debate (boos), an Arm Wrestling Contest (more boos), or a Street Fight (crowd goes wild). The Coach, apparently ticked, went to the ring and called out Austin. A Stone Cold vehicle came out after a commercial break, but it was driven by Stephanie McMahon, who exchanged courtesies with the Coach before saying that Austin wouldn't be here tonight, bashing him some more. The Coach said he would call him out again next week.

The segment was interrupted by Mick Foley, wearing a referee's shirt, since he was picked to referee the main event between Cena & Angle. Foley talked about how sad he was that Linda McMahon had stooped to the level of the rest of the McMahons. Stephanie, not exactly worried, brought out Carlito, then gave Foley a low blow while he was looking the wrong way. Carlito then beat Foley down, spitting on him at the end.

- After a break, a hurting Foley is in the back, where Eric Bischoff says that he's still the referee, no matter how hurt he is. What a guy, Bisch.

- Match #, oops, nevermind. It was scheduled as Triple H vs. Viscera, a scary idea, but it never occurred, as Ric Flair attacked Triple H from behind as he came down. The two brawled, with Triple H getting the upper hand more than I'd like, but eventually security pulled them apart. Triple H headed for the back, while Flair entered the ring and begged the crowd to put him in a steel cage at Taboo Tuesday. What, not a One Fall To A Finish?

- In the parking lot, JBL's limo pulled up, and before we could even think about it being a trick, JBL stepped out. After a commercial break, JBL was arguing with Eric Bischoff and security, as Edge, Lita, & Chris Masters went to the ring. The three bragged about what Edge & Masters had done on Smackdown, then talked about the 5 opponents they might face at Taboo Tuesday, bashing every one (Matt Hardy, Rey Mysterio, Christian, Hardcore Holly, and JBL). JBL called out Masters to face him in the parking lot, and Masters obliged, hurrying his way over there. He and JBL got face-to-face, but JBL said that Masters had just fallen for the oldest trick in the book, then left... even as Mysterio came out of the crowd, dropkicked Edge, then got Lita with the 619.

- Match #2: Mickie James won via a roll-up on Victoria. Mickie had Trish Stratus & Ashley, while Victoria had Candice Michelle & Torrie Wilson. Mickie's got some moves, but it's still too early to tell what she's worth. In the end, Mickie rolled up Victoria, but, as the ref was distracted by Torrie, Candice reversed it. However, the ref continued to be distracted by Ashley, as Trish re-reversed it. The ref then finally did his job and made the count, in which Victoria was in a roll-up for about 30 seconds. The face women cleared the ring of the heels afterwards.

- Vince McMahon came out and talked about his wife's firing of JR and his making the Coach the Man. He then had a surprise, showing 'video footage' of JR's colon surgery. Ok, basic details: Vince was the doctor, he had a hot-looking nurse and an assistant, and he operated on "JR", pulling a bunch of stuff out of JR's rear end, including JR's own head. Sigh. This took WAY TOO LONG.

- Match #3: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch won a "Non-Title Handicap" Match over Rosey, who was not joined by the Hurricane (who unmasked last week). Gregory Helms (aka the Hurricane) appeared on the ring steps, in normal clothes, watching in disgust as Rosey fought against the double-team. He couldn't handle it, as Cade & Murdoch got their finishing double-team for the victory.

- Match #4: Kurt Angle "won" a "Non-Title" Match over John Cena. Mick Foley was the special referee for the match, and had a lot of problems with Angle, nearly getting Angle rolled up for a pin at one point. But Carlito came out and went at it with Foley, eventually getting Foley with spinning neck-breaker maneuver, knocking him out. This proved to be part of a plan, as Eric Bischoff then came out with a ref's shirt on, obviously against Cena. He counted fast on one pin, then later distracted Cena, allowing Angle to get the Ankle Lock on. Although Cena almost made the ropes, Bischoff grabbed his hand and made it tap once, then called for the bell, giving the win to Angle. Angle has now apparently beaten Cena three times.


Summary: I'm at a loss for words about tonight's show. Really.

...

Honestly.

...

I'm not sure what to say.

...

Ok, ok, I'll quit stalling and think of something. Ahh, I've got it. This was a really bad show. Pure and simple. The matches that were supposed to be good were either really sloppy or about average. I was actually interested in the opening Three-Way match, but there were way too many misses to suit my liking. Kane's rust is self-evident. The final match, with Cena/Angle, reminded me a ton of the old McMahon/Austin-type matches. I guess that shouldn't be surprising.

And the Vince McMahon segment? I couldn't watch it. I just couldn't. It lasted forever, wasn't funny, and seeing the elder McMahon try to have sex with his assistant was terrible. What, does a heel Linda no longer have a problem with Vince's infidelity? This segment probably goes up there with the Katie Vick era. That's how bad it was.

To be fair, the matches themselves weren't awful, even the opener. There were some good moments, like The Big Show shrugging off the Flying Elbow from HBK and grabbing him as he kipped up. But all-in-all, if I were asked what to recommend, I'd point people towards TNA, then maybe Smackdown. Raw, the "flagship of wrestling", is last in my recommendations book right now.

Peace
The Accelerator