WWE Monday Night Raw
October 10th, 2005

The big rumors all week were, who was Vince McMahon going to fire? Well, it turned out he fired everyone, yet didn't actually fire anyone... but he let someone else do it. Curious? Then let's get to it.

- Stephanie McMahon came down to begin the show, emphasizing that someone would be fired by her daddy that night. She got mad at a guy telling her to 'wrap it up' and smacked him, then went and beat on Lillian Garcia, the timeskeeper, and even a cameraman. Stephanie then went to the announcers' table and proclaimed "The B*tch is Back!" Funny, since last time we saw her, she was beaten and fired by her dad, and now she's daddy's girl again. Oh well, who needs connected storylines anyway?

- Match #1: Ron Conway defeated Doink the Clown. Yep, Doink was back (scary, huh?). Conway won with the Ego Trip, slaying a 'legend'. I suspect that Conway will keep beating on former wrestlers for the next few weeks. After the match, Conway continued to beat on Doink, until Eugene ran down to make the save. However, Eugene turned his back on Conway, who returned to the ring and took out Eugene with another Ego Trip.

- Coach, JR, & the King speculated about who was going to get fired. Coach actually mentioned the Internet rumors about JR's job being in jeopardy, an interesting tactic.

- Carlito's Cabana featured everyone talking about the #1 Contendership to the Raw World Title. Kurt Angle came out first, soon to be followed by Shawn Michaels, with the two arguing about what the Draw in their Iron Man Match adds up to. The Big Show then came out and said that he's tired of waiting, and that, as a Giant, he can take what he wants. Makes sense to me. Edge & Lita then joined the mob, with Edge wanting all the title shots frozen until he decided to use his "Money In The Bank" Contract. Carlito fired back by saying that Edge didn't help out with the Raw/Smackdown brawl, something that I myself didn't even notice. Carlito said the people in the ring could agree on 2 things: that they wouldn't mind Edge being fired, and that Carlito should be #1 Contender!

- As everyone argued in the ring, John Cena came out and laid down a rap insulting everyone in the ring. The biggest cheer? When he called Lita a slut. I almost hope that this will lead to a 6-Man Elimination Match, but more likely, this is a build to letting the fans decide who will face Cena for the belt at Taboo Tuesday '05.

- Match #2: Chris Masters forced Tajiri unconscious with the Master Lock. Not much to say here, as no one gave Tajiri any sort of chance. After all, didn't we already see this match a month or so ago?

- In the back, Triple H was confronted by Shawn Michaels, who said HHH had gone too far in his assault on Flair. Triple H tried to walk away with a laugh, but walked right into the Big Show, who said that Helmsley would be getting his someday. Triple H then came face-to-face with John Cena, who said that he had lost respect for the man. Everybody hatin' on the Game! Triple H told Cena that he shouldn't attract his attention. When Cena said "You want some? Come get some!", Helmsley replied, "When I want some? I'll take it." Not a bad segment for Triple H, and it showed that the locker room was behind Flair.

- Triple H came to the ring and talked about his beatdown of Flair, basically blaming it on the fact that Flair had become "mediocre", I guess by winning the IC Title? Way to put over the belt. Anyway, Triple H said he was just putting down Flair to keep him from destroying his legacy further, as well as to keep it from tarnishing Triple H's. Triple H finished it by announcing that Flair was no longer the dirtiest player in the game, and that he wasn't even in the game anymore.

- The Rock did a clip about his new movie, Doom. You ever notice that the only time the Rock comes back is when he has a new movie to shill? Oh well.

- Match #3: Trish Stratus stayed the Women's Champion, beating Victoria. Victoria had a great move at one point, blocking the Stratusphere and instead putting Stratus into a turnbuckle Boston Crab! Victoria then came off the ropes to a move similar to the Styles Clash, while holding onto the Crab. Stratus, though, came back and got a Northern Lights Suplex into a bridge for the victory. Afterwards, Victoria attacked Trish, beating her down, then took out Ashley as well when she came to the ring. An unknown Diva (Alexis Laree) then ran out and attacked Victoria, knocking her away and getting the gold to give back to Trish before leaving.

- The unknown Diva introduced herself to Trish & Ashley in the back as Mickey James (or Micky James, heck, how do I know how she spells it?), who is apparently a known stalker of Trish, having sent her hundreds of letters. She's Trish's #1 fan. So what was wrong with the name Alexis, anyway? Guess it had to go the same way as Mickey's old breasts.

- Match #4: Kurt Angle, Edge, & Carlito won a "Six-Man" Match over John Cena, Shawn Michaels, & the Big Show. Both Cena and HBK portrayed the face-in-peril during the match, while the Big Show just squashed everyone as usual. If they DO have a vote for who gets to face Cena, I'm going for the Big Show, myself. Carlito also got a lot of wrestling time in there, with Edge barely even getting tagged in during the bout. Strange, although it could be because even Angle & Carlito dissed the man. Nah, that would make too much sense.

Near the end, the Big Show destroyed all three men, then did the "You Can't See Me!" towards Angle before tagging in Cena (classic!). Cena then got the 5-knuckle shuffle on Angle, even as the Big Show/Edge and Shawn Michaels/Carlito paired off. In the ring, Angle got the Ankle Lock on Cena, who reversed it into his own Ankle Lock on Angle, who reversed THAT one into a roll-up pin! Angle pinned Cena! The heels finally looked strong! Smart move, WWE.

- A promo aired saying that Kane would be back next Monday, probably to push his new fictional book.

- The 'main event' was Vince McMahon coming out. I guess they're really going with what the ratings said, sadly enough. McMahon first mentioned Eric Bischoff (who had been told by McMahon that he was safe on a WWE.com exclusive that WAS FINALLY EXCLUSIVE! Thank you!), then talked about Stone Cold Steve Austin, apparently deciding not to fire him despite the assault. If an employee Stuns me, they're out the door, but that's just me. McMahon then hired all of the fans watching around the world, including yours truly. Hey, I'm working for Vince! Alright! Oh, wait, he fired all of us again. Hey, am I eligible for that minute's worth of paycheck?

Vince then called the 3 announcers to the ring, saying that they did nothing to help his family against Stone Cold. Well, gotta admit, the King, as a former wrestler, could have done something, I suppose. Anyway, the Coach gave a whining, sniffling apology that Vince accepted, and the King gave a short apology to keep his job, which Vince also accepted. That left JR in the ring, who apologized for Vince's wife getting Stunned. Vince then called Stephanie to the ring, who slapped JR after another apology. Vince then called for Shane, but got Linda McMahon instead, who insulted both Vince & Stephanie, but then said she would take action. She turned and, on behalf of the entire McMahon family, fired JR! To puncuate this firing, she racked him! The show ended with the McMahons celebrating their union.

Summary: I've got to say, it really hurt to see JR get racked and fired. The racking, well, that hurts any man to see, but the firing was so much worse. I mean, the logic in his firing was crazy. Then again, for all we know, this is just an Internet ruse by WWE, with JR coming back in a few weeks. I mean, who are our sources regarding that JR was going to be replaced? The WWE? We'll see where good ol' JR ends up.

As for the rest of the show, well, it definitely seemed that Vince & Co decided that the high ratings over the course of the Stunner-Fest meant that what everyone wants at a wrestling event is talking. Lots of talking. I mean, over two hours, we had 4 matches, the same that can be seen over an hour-long TNA show. Granted, the six-man match was worth watching, and the Women's Title Match was as good as we can get with the competition available right now, but the Masters/Tajiri and Conway/Doink matches were basic throwaways (each lasting a little over 2 minutes). So much talent was in the building (including the Tag-Team Champs, who were seen in the back), but we had little action other than the last match.

Meanwhile, we had an opening speech by Stephanie McMahon, a Six-Man discussion on Carlito's Cabana, a long speech by Triple H, and the final segment with the McMahons canning JR. According to a couple of sources I checked on the Internet, the total time given to the 4 Matches was approximately 28 minutes, with most of that the main event (with its 2 commercial breaks). Therefore, the rest of the show, with commercials, was 1 hour and 32 minutes.

Sadly, this might be what people want from WWE right now. We'll see what the ratings say. Personally? I tune in for wrestling, and I just didn't get my fix from just 28 minutes.

The Accelerator