Larry Csonka is one of the hardest working IWC columnists on the World Wide Web. He's currently the Co-Wrestling Editor for 411mania.com, my favorite wrestling news site, and regularly reviews television shows & pay-per-views from WWE and TNA, among others. I'm honored to report that Mr. Csonka has agreed to allow his PPV reviews to be displayed here at the Rollercoaster, to help continue to catalogue the history of professional wrestling. For more great reviews and columns, be sure to visit the site. You won't be disappointed.
411’s WWE Summerslam Report 8.26.07|
Posted by Larry Csonka on 08.26.2007
The biggest party of the summer sees all of the champions retain their gold.
Remember to send your thoughts on the show. Include the MATCH and TRASH of the night, and score the PPV from 1-10!
WWE Summerslam 2007!
-JBL and Cole welcome us to the show, they shoot to Jerome Lawler and JR so they may welcome us and hype the card; finally we hit up Styles and Tazwell to hype the ECW Title match.
Kane vs. Finlay
This should have been a coffee on a pole match. Kane with uppercuts to start, he tosses Finlay to the corner and beats him down. Off the ropes and a back elbow by Kane, and then an elbow drop and boot to the face. He holds his ribs, but is able to slam Finlay. Kane sells the ribs and he continues to beat on Finlay. Kane chokes out Finlay over the bottom rope, to the corner now and knees by Kane to the gut of Finlay. Kane still dominating, shoulder blocks in the corner and more uppercuts. Kane chokes out Finlay once again, an Irish whip and Finlay gets a boot to Kane. Finlay to the 2nd rope, Kane nails him and Finlay falls to the floor. Big boot by Kane on the floor, Kane tosses him back in and goes up top. Finlay knocks him down and Kane lands on the injured ribs. Finlay now works him over, and applied a single leg crab. Kane to his feet, and he gets an enziguri on Finlay. Off the ropes and a bog boot by Kane. Corner clothesline by Kane, and another one. Side slam connects and Kane covers for 2. Kane up top…flying clothesline connects. Kane misses a corner charge, seated senton by Finlay gets 2. LITTLE BASTARD IS OUT! Kane sits up and Little Bastard runs, big boot to Finlay. Kane to the floor and grabs Little Bastard, tosses him in and a MINI-GOOZLE~! ONE FOR FINLAY! They escape and then Kane cannot do the chokeslam as he is hurt! Boots by Finlay to the ribs, short DDT by Finlay and a cover for 2. Finlay takes padding off the turnbuckle, then grabs the SHACKALACKI and Kane is able to disarm him. Kane tries to grab it and the ref takes it away, Bastard gives Finlay another one, SHACKALACKI SHOT and a roll up for 2 by Finlay. Shoulder rams to the ribs by Finlay, then misses a charge and eats the post. Goozle, chokeslam and that is all.
Winner: Kane @ 8:50 via pin *
-Vince and all of the GM's and Coach are having a PARTY. Vince notices that there are all guys here and he wants some chicks. Vince talks about the lady that gave birth to his illegitimate son. Santino is here, and he thinks he could be Vince's son and sings for him. MVP is here looking pimp, he says Teddy blew things big time and there is no MVP on the show. He wants to issue an open challenge for Matt Hardy, not wrestling, but worthy of Summerslam. Vince likes that. Vince would be proud to have him as a son. Regal says his son would be more dignified, regal even. Coach and Vince say that English women are ugly, and Vince wouldn't so an English chick with Coach's dick.
-We get a Rey Mysterio video package.
IC TITLE MATCH: Umaga © vs. Ken Kennedy vs. Carlito
Kennedy tries to work with Umaga, but eats a shot and then Umaga nails Carlito. Off the ropes and a back elbow to Kennedy. Rights to Carlito, then slams Kennedy down and an Irish whip to Carlito and he rolls to the floor with Kennedy. Carlito and Kennedy talk and look to surround Umaga, Carlito sneaks in and Umaga just starts killing bitches. Carlito down in the corner, Umaga sets and Kennedy stops the clambake. Carlito dropkicks Umaga to the floor and Kennedy stats to beat him down. Kennedy gets the running boot of mild discomfort to the shoulder of Umaga, and then back into the ring. He lays the boots to Carlito, off the ropes and Carlito with the slow motion springboard elbow for 2. Kennedy slams Carlito to the corner and then gets THE STROKE! Boot to Umaga misses and Umaga slams Kennedy to the floor. Umaga nails Carlito and is back in the ring. Slam by Umaga, to the 2nd rope and a BIG head butt connects. Rights by Umaga, charges and Kennedy moves Carlito and Umaga leaps and nails the steel post. Kennedy KILLS Umaga with a TV Monitor and Carlito covers him for 2. Carlito plays nice with Kennedy and the double-team Umaga again. Double suplex try, they beat him down again, double suplex try again and Umaga suplexes them! Clotheslines by Umaga, Samoan drop to Carlito. Catatonic to Kennedy for 2 as Carlito saves him! Superkick to Carlito. SAMOAN CLAMBAKE~! He charges at Kennedy, but he pulls down the ropes and Umaga falls to the floor. Standing Kamikaze roll on Carlito and Umaga saves! SAMOAN SPIKE TO KENNEDY! 1…2…3
Winner: Umaga @ 7:25 via pin **
-We get a video package for the return of the Undertaker. He returns next month.
-We get a video package for Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero.
Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero
Rey is wearing silver and painted silver, interesting. Good pop, but probably not what they were hoping for. They stand off and talk shit, Rey shoves Guerrero. Lots of heat on Chavo. Guerrero goes for a single leg and Rey avoids it. Leg trip by Rey gets 1. Knuckle lock, Rye on top and a cover for 1. Monkey flip by Guerrero, and Rey gets a wheel barrel sending Guerrero to the floor. Guerrero back in, lock up and to the corner they go. Boots to the knee by Guerrero, he wraps the leg around the ropes and the ref breaks it up. Guerrero misses a dropkick and Rey with a plancha to the floor onto Guerrero. Slams Guerrero to the steps and then back in the go. Rey works the leg of Guerrero now. Basement dropkick to the knee by Rey. Rights by Guerrero, boot by Rey and a RANA on Guerrero. Rey to the apron and up top…crotched and into the tree of woe. Guerrero works the knee and Rey is down. Guerrero works the knee off of the steel post. Boots by Guerrero, and he is taking out the knee. Elbow drops to the knee by Guerrero, and a cover gets 2. Stretch muffler by Guerrero works the knee more. Head scissors by Rey, but Guerrero right back to the knee with boots. Indian death lock variation by Guerrero, then into a knee bar. Enziguri by Rey, he falls on the ropes, 619 try and Rey falls as his knee gives out. Single leg crab by Guerrero, Rey fights and gets the ropes. Uppercuts by Guerrero, Irish whip and a slam countered by Rey for 2. Rey on the apron, slammed to the post and Guerrero up top…Rey fights and up top…and Guerrero into the tree of woe! Rey works the knees of Guerrero and pounds away and the ref has to pull him off. Off the ropes and Rey trips Guerrero to the floor. Guerrero grabs his knee and Rey to the apron, seated senton on Guerrero. Back in, Springboard by Rey connects. Rights by Guerrero, sunset flip and Rey rolls through, kick to Guerrero and a cover for 2. Off the ropes and a moonsault by Rey, Guerrero catches him but Rey gets a tornado DDT for 2. Rey limps, goes up top… Guerrero ducks and Rey crashes and burns. GORY BOMB by Guerrero! 1…2…NO! Boots by Rey, drop toehold and the 619 misses. Boot and a suplex by Guerrero, another and the 3rd amigo countered and a head scissors by Rey. 610 connects. Springboard splash and that is all.
Winner: Rey Mysterio @ 12:20 via pin **½
-Backstage with Todd Grisham, and he is with King Booker and Queen Sharmell. King Booker says Rey had a triumphant return, a fairy tale dream come true. But HHH will have a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. HHH shall have a grand entrance and the people will cheer, and I want HHH to take that moment in. That will be the only good thing, because HHH will have bowed down to King Booker!
#1 Contender's Divas Battle Royal
They all cat fight to begin. Lots of hair pulling and such. Its hot chicks in the ring wearing very little, what do you want from me, catch as catch can calls? Brooke is tossed. Jillian tosses Maria. Victoria tosses Layla. They screech a lot I tell ya. JBL and Cole look like they are making fun remarks, I wish for alternate commentary. Victoria was tossed by Krystal, bullshit. McCool tosses Krystal. Kelly gets tosses by Phoenix and Jillian. Mickie and Jillian tossed now by Melina. Melina to the 2nd rope and chokes Torrie. Seated senton to Torrie. McCool and Torrie toss Melina. Phoenix is left with those two and she cleans house a bit, Torrie fights back and Phoenix tosses Torrie. Phoenix and McCool left, they brawl and uppercuts by McCool. Phoenix snatches her up and tosses her out.
Winner: Beth Phoenix @ 7:10 *
-MVP comes out now with a cooler. No celebration for Beth. MVP says he doesn't care about the chicks and no one bought a ticket for them, they bought tickets for him. You can't have Summerslam without him. Back when he was poor, he was known to crack a 40. He used to drink beer, but now, his tastes have become refined. He only drinks Crystal and such, and he is better than us. He will lower himself and be a common man. He will have a beer-drinking contest with Matt Hardy. Hardy is out as the crowd chants for Austin. This cannot end well. Matt says they will both win some and lose some. Matt says MVP isn't better than anyone. He is right that Matt is a common man. He is and proud of that fact. You think you can out drink me, but you know, I will not even try. Why? Well, remember a couple of weeks ago we had a boxing match and you picked a substitute. It was an all time great Evander Holyfield. Well tonight, I have a suitable substitute…
The glass breaks and Steve Austin is here. Austin hits the ropes and warms up for beer drinking. Pushups now. He lays out beers for MVP and hands him one. KICK, WHAM, STUNNER. Hottest the crowd has been all night, unfortunate for everyone else.
So, Steve Austin unadvertised?
-Vince is with the GM's and Cryme Tyme is here. They call Vince V-MAC. Shad says it could be one of them. They have a lot in common, they like to make money, money, yeah, yeah. They all dance but Vince and Regal. They give Regal a hat and he does a Benny Hill lie dance. Ron Simmons is here, DAMN.
-We get a video package for John Morrison.
ECW TITLE MATCH: John Morrison © vs. CM Punk
Punk double legs Morrison, side headlock now and Morrison escapes. Headlock by Morrison, Punk now escapes and gets a hip toss and a slam on Morrison. Suplex onto the ropes by Morrison, Jericho springboard dropkick sends Morrison to the apron. Punk tries a suplex, Morrison fights and gets a knee and SICK neck breaker onto the apron. That looked painful. Back in and Morrison covers for 2. Irish whip by Morrison, rights to Punk now. Uppercuts by Morrison and a cover for 2. Top wristlock by Morrison, Punk fights out and then gets tripped into the ropes. Kicks to the gut by Morrison and a cover for 2. Headlock by Morrison, and Punk gets a roll up for 2. Catapult by Morrison, Punk recovers with a cross body for 2. Corner knee by Punk, enziguri follows for 2. Snap powerslam by Punk gets 2. Backbreaker/neckbreaker combo by Morrison for 2. Tries the corkscrew neck breaker, but Punk counters, up top…MOONSAULT connects for 2. Irish whip by Morrison, he gets crotched and a clothesline by Punk spins Morrison inside out. Small package by Punk gets 2. Kicks by Punk, sets Morrison up top and follows. RANA countered Punk falls hard and Morrison gets a roll up and the ropes, barely for the win.
Winner: John Morrison @ 7:21 via pin **
-We see Batista and Khali warming up backstage.
-They play the $6-Million Dollar Man video before HHH's entrance.
-We hear HHH do the "ARE YOU READY" line and a new video hits. Tons of pyro as well. The King of Kings theme hits then into the traditional Game Theme. He is a lot leaner, down to 250 or so. He looks good and in better shape than his last run before the injury. Great reaction for the H's.
King Booker w/Queen Sharmell vs. HHH
They stare down and brawl. Rights by HHH, clothesline and Booker to the floor. Booker back in and Booker talks smack to the crowd. Boot by HHH, rights and to the corner they go and more rights by HHH. Back elbow by Booker, another clothesline by HHH takes Booker to the floor. HHH follows and chases Booker. He slams Booker to the barrier and then more rights. Boot by Booker, backing and chops by Booker, off the ropes, knee buster by HHH and a cover for 2. Off the ropes, reversal and a knee by Booker. Off the ropes and Sharmell trips HHH ad a basement dropkick by Booker to the leg of HHH. He works the left leg I will mention here. HHH counters a slam and takes out the knee of Booker. Figure Four by HHH! Sharmell rakes the eyes of HHH and a superkick by Booker, cover for 2. Rights by Booker, HHH fires back and they exchange. HHH with more shots, and then tosses Booker to the floor. He slams Booker to the steps and then doe sit again. Back into the ring and Booker is holding his leg. Irish whip and a corner clothesline by HHH. Off the ropes and a boot by Booker, but HHH gets the spinebuster. Pedigree try, Booker escapes and gets rights to HHH. Back elbow by HHH, Booker misses the ax kick and then gets the Book End for 2. Knees by Booker, and then a side slam. Booker goes up top…ROYAL HANGOVER MISSES~! HHH is up and crotch chop, boot, counter, boot, pedigree. 1…2…3.
Winner: HHH @ 7:55 via pin **
-HHH celebrates forever.
WORLD TITLE MATCH: The Great Khali © vs. Batista
The bell rings and Khali beats down Batista. Rights to Batista in the corner and he is down. Rights by Batista now, Khali shoves him down. Back elbows by Khali in the corner, and Batista is down. Off the ropes and a clothesline by Khali. Short-armed clothesline by Khali. A boot by Khali sends Batista to the floor. Batista stuns Khali off the ropes and gets JUDO CHOPPED for his trouble. Foot cover for 2 by Khali. He slams Batista to the steel post shoulder first and then does it again. Clothesline to the back of Batista and then the DOUBLE NERVE PINCH~! Shots to the back by Khali now and back to the nerve pinch. BIG BORING chants now. Batista fights, gets to his feet and gets a jawbreaker on Khali. Off the ropes and a big boot by Khali. Foot cover for 2 by Khali. Double claw try, Batista fights to stop it and gets a spinebuster on Khali. Rope shake, grabs Khali, Batista bomb try, shoved off and an elbow by Batista. Batista up top…Khali catches him and gets the tree slam. 1…2…no. Translator man tosses in a chair, Khali has it and nails Batista. DQ.
Winner: Batista @ 7:00 via DQ (ASS)
-After the match Batista spears Khali. Batista gets the chair and waffles Khali repeatedly, like 10-times.
-Vince and Coach talk backstage. There is a lady here to see Vince. It is Mae and Moolah. Mae Young says she wants to sleep with Vince so she can have his bastard son. Mae jumps on Vince and they have to pull her off of him. She is making out with Vince, and I just threw up in my mouth. I hate life. Vince is disgusted and says the taste in his mouth is horrible. Coach gives him a tic tac, but Vince decides he actually likes the taste. He liked it actually and is turned on now. Vince says old chicken makes good soup. What…the…fuck?
-We get a video package for Cena vs. Orton.
WWE TITLE MATCH: John Cena © vs. Randy Orton
They circle and talk shit to each other. Lock up and a side headlock by Cena to heat. Off the ropes and a shoulder tackle by Cena, side headlock takedown to crowd heat again. Orton battles to his feet, to the corner and they break but Orton gets a headlock and they pop. Off the ropes and a shoulder tackle by Orton. Headlock takedown by Orton. Off the ropes and Cena gets a drop toehold, STFU try and Orton gets the ropes. Crowd hates Cena. A right by Orton drops Cena. Boots by Orton and rights to Cena. Orton in control, rights to Cena again and then uppercuts. Irish whip, reversal and a bulldog by Cena and a cover for 2. Off the ropes, boot by Orton and a clothesline to the back of Cena's head gets a cover for 2. Cena battle back, off the ropes and Orton ducks a cross body try by Cena, who crashes and burns. Orton then shoulder blocks Cena onto the announce table. Orton to the floor, tosses Cena back in and covers for 2. Chinlock by Orton, Cena fights but Orton has it locked. Cena fades down, but then gets a back suplex to escape. Cena charges and hits the corner as Orton moves, and covers for 2. GARVIN STOMP (~!) by Orton now. Crowd still very loud and chanting for both, Orton misses a knee drop and Cena fires back, off the ropes and a powerslam by Orton gets 2. Orton back to the chinlock, keeping Cena down. Cena fights, gets to his feet and escapes.
10-minutes in now and rights to Orton, off the ropes and a dropkick by Orton gets 2. Orton locks in a sleeper now, Cena tries to pick him up and Orton rolls through with a headlock. Body scissors by Orton as well, Cena gets to his knees and stands up with Orton on his back. He slams Orton back to the corner and breaks the hold. Rights and lefts by Cena, shoulder block off the ropes now. PROTO BOMB! 5-knuckle shuffle by Cena. FU try, countered and they exchange shots, 3.0 back breaker by Orton stops that. Cena on the apron, Orton grabs him through the ropes, STUFF DDT! 1…2…NO! Orton stalks Cena now…RKO countered and Cena flies to the floor as Orton pulled the ropes down. Orton to the floor and slams Cena to the steel steps. Orton grabs Cena and tosses him into the ring. Orton in and covers for 2. Cena fight back and gets a spinning neckbreaker on Orton. Cena goes up top…Orton nails him and stops that. Uppercut shots by Orton, Orton then climbs up with Cena! Superplex try, Cena battles and tosses Orton off. FAMEASSER off the top by Cena! FU try, Orton has the ropes and to the apron, stuns Cena off the ropes. Orton slides back in, stalks Cena…and then backs away and sets for the kick. Concussion kick misses, STFU by Cena! Orton fights for the ropes…crawls, battles and gets the ropes!
We're 20-minutes in now and Cena is frustrated. Cena goes for Orton, RKO OUT OF NOWHERE! Orton covers 1…2…NO! Orton up, grabs Cena but Cena is able to get the FU! 1…2….3.
Winner: John Cena @ 21:35 via pin ***¾
-Cena celebrates and the show ends.
Remember to send your thoughts on the show. Include the MATCH and TRASH of the night, and score the PPV from 1-10!