Larry Csonka is one of the hardest working IWC columnists on the World Wide Web. He's currently the Co-Wrestling Editor for 411mania.com, my favorite wrestling news site, and regularly reviews television shows & pay-per-views from WWE and TNA, among others. I'm honored to report that Mr. Csonka has agreed to allow his PPV reviews to be displayed here at the Rollercoaster, to help continue to catalogue the history of professional wrestling. For more great reviews and columns, be sure to visit the site. You won't be disappointed.
411’s WWE New Year's Revolution Report 1.08.06|
Posted by Larry Csonka on 01.08.2006
Some investments pay off.
Chavo vs. Snitsky was on Heat. Chavo wins with the frog splash.
A really cool video starts the PPV, with comments from guys that have been in the Chamber and describing how brutal it is.
Styles and Coach welcome us to New Year's Revolution. Hugo and Carlos say hi as well. What's up fellas?
IC Title Match: Edge w/Lita vs. Ric Flair ©
Edge attacks before the bell and drops a knee to the chest of Ric. Rights by Edge now, and an Irish whip and backdrop by Edge. Edge chokes him now and breaks. Chops by Ric now and Edge is rocked. Irish whip by Ric, and a backdrop to Edge. Rights by Ric and he then goes to the floor and chases Lita. Edge sneaks out and levels him with a clothesline though and Ric is down. Suplex by Edge on the floor. Edge tosses him back in and poses for the crowd. Rights to Ric and then Edge chokes him out on the ropes. Boots by Edge and then a choke with his boot. Rights again and an Irish whip and clothesline by Edge. Forearm shots by Edge, snap mare and a modified dragon sleeper to Ric. Back to the corner now and Edge with mounted punches. Atomic drop by Ric and then chops. Off the ropes and Edge clotheslines Ric to the floor. Chops by Ric to Edge on the floor and then he crotches him on the security wall. Back in the ring and the Flair knee drop to Edge. Rights by Ric in the corner, chops now and Edge is down. Ric goes up top… Edge over, eye poke and one for Lita! Rights to Edge and the Karate chop off the top by Ric for 2! Chops again to Edge, CHOP BLOCK! Knee breaker to Edge and STRUT! Lita on the apron and Ric struts over to her, and then backdrops Edge to the floor. He brings Lita in and RIVER DANCE! FIGURE FOUR ON THE WHORE! Edge KILLS Ric with the MITB case and busts him open huge! DQ.
Huge heat on Edge and Flair is a bloody mess.
Winner: Ric Flair @ 7:24 via DQ
After the match, Edge kills him again with the case.
Todd Grisham is with Angle. Davari is there as well. Todd asks him about the Chamber and Angle says he has to say he hopes the US loses the war. He loves France as well. Truth be told, he doesn't like "the black people." The one person in history he would like to make tap out is Jesus. He can say anything and they will cheer for him. He says it is like a dog knowing when a storm is coming. We all know he is the greatest. He beat HBK, Carlito and Masters aren't in his league and he beat Cena as well. He will win the title.
We see Flair being helped from the ring.
Women's Title Match: Trish Stratus © vs. Mickie James
Mickie wants to shake and Trish pulls her in and they stare down. Lock up and a wrist lock by Trish. Cart heel escape by Mickie and Trish rolls her up for 1. Headlock by Mickie, reversals and a hammerlock by Mickie. Reversal by Trish and a headlock and they break. Lock up and a go behind and hammerlock by Mickie. Reversal again by Trish and then by Mickie. Take down by Trish and some roll up reversals for 1. Elbow by Mickie, RANA countered kinda and Trish gets 2 as she had the foot on the ropes. Mickie looks mad now. Mickie holds the ropes for Trish and lets her in very kindly. Lock up and off the ropes and a shoulder block by Mickie. Trip by Trish and a STIFF forearm by Trish. More and Mickie fries back. Boots by Mickie, 2nd rope now and a tornado DDT countered and a chick kick by Trish. Mickie to the floor and she sidesteps Trish and she crashes to the floor. Mickie grabs the title belt and stares at it…then puts it down. Tosses Trish back in and misses a clothesline, Thesz press by Trish. Rights to Mickie and Trish in control. Chops to Mickie now, but she goes up top…hand stand RANA by Trish. Spine buster by Trish gets 2. Kick by Mickie now, and she has Trish…Stratusfaction try…and she gets it. She looks psycho now and covers 1…2…NO! She is pissed now! Mickie has Trish…reversal and counters, Mickie misses the chick kick, Trish nails one and that's it.
Winner: Trish @ 7:30 via pin
Maria is here to interview herself. This is comical and Gregory Helms is here and has to talk. He is about to have his first PPV match of 2006. He says when she has her match, Lawler won't be there to do his old man routine, he'll be in the hospital.
Shelton and Mamma are here. She yells at him for not eating right. Mamma is getting him some food. He says he isn't hungry and she threatens him and he goes to his locker room.
Edge and Lita are shown, he doesn't want to do the Access deal because he has bigger plans. He tells Lita to go and do it.
Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Gregory Helms
Lock up and they go to the corner. King pushes him away and they talk smack. Slap by Helms and King is up and they stare down. Lock up and to the corner they go…rights by Helms and then boots. Rights by King now and Helms is rocked. Hip toss by King and off the ropes…backdrop by King. Cover for 2. Off the ropes and rights by King. Off the ropes again and King mocks him with a Hurricane pose! He tosses helms and he is pissed. Back in and they lock up. To the corner and an eye rake by Helms. Rams King to the corner and then shoulder blocks. Snap mare and a leg drop by Helms. He covers and gets 2. Wrist lock by Helms, then a side slam to King for 2. Helms chokes him now and then mocks King. Suplex to King and Helms is in control. Another suplex to King and he calls for one more. He gets it and covers for 2. Rear neck vice by Helms now. King fights…works and escapes and tosses Helms. Helms with a snap mare and covers for 2. Knee drop by Helms followed by a rear choke. Side back breaker by Helms, up to the 2nd rope…leaps and almost gets the boot, blocks it and stomps King. Clothesline and King goes to the floor. Helms follows and rams King to the steel post. He goes to commentary and puts on the headset! Coach welcomes him and he goes back after King. Back in the ring and rams King to the corner. Missile dropkick by Helms and he covers for 2. Irish whip, but King moves and Helms rams hard to the corner. STRAP DOWN! Lefts to Helms. BIG right and Helms is down. Fist drop by King and repeated rights to Helms. He calls for the piledriver… Helms escapes…goes up top…King crotches him! King to the 2nd rope…FIST DROP and King wins.
In other news, Helms will be released tomorrow.
Winner: Jerry Lawler @ 9:45 via pin
King gets his crown and celebrates.
Trish and Mickie go to the Internet area. She talks all lesbian like and hugs Trish.
Shelton's mamma gets some food for Shelton. She doesn't approve of catering. Shelton needs southern food. Viscera is there! He has the hots for mamma Benjamin. He approves of her ass and he wants a piece. She gets pissed and says not to disrespect her. She is Shelton's MAMMA! Viscera says he and Shelton are boys. He wants to be her daddy. HELL NO she says. She says if he wants action, she will see to it. She then takes his food.
Video package for HHH and Big Show.
HHH vs. The Big Show
HHH stalls to start because he fears the cast. Show tries to club him and HHH runs. Rights by HHH, but Show shoves him down and HHH goes to the floor. Back in and HHH is scared and Show waves with the cast. Head butt by Show. Rammed to the corner and BIG chop by Show. More chops by Show and HHH is down. Slam by Show, and then an elbow drop. Another and HHH rolls to the floor. Show chases him and HHH rolls back in. HHH attacks as Show climbs back in but Show pulls him to the floor. He beats on HHH and they go back to the ring. Irish whip and HHH does the Harley corner flip and goes to the floor. Show chases him and CHOPS to HHH. HHH rolled back in, Show climbs back and HHH gets a knee to the head of Show. HHH off the apron, caught and rammed to the post. Show tries to nails him with the cast, MISSES and nails the post. HHH works on the injured hand now. Knees to Show and then he rams the cast off of the post. The cast is partially split and HHH is trying to get it off. He does and he drops knees to the hand of Show. Show head butts him to keep him away. Show charges, misses and falls all the way to the floor! HHH is out and rams his hand off of the steel steps. Back in the ring and Show is in a lot of pain. He mocks Show as he climbs back in and HHH pulls away at his "broken" fingers. Boots by HHH, up to the 2nd rope…knee drop to the hand of Show who is down. Another knee drop to the hand and work the hand. Top wristlock by HHH, he fights and shoves HHH off. Show to the floor and is holding that hand. HHH follows and rams the hand off the steel post. Back in the ring, back to the hand by HHH. Top wristlock again, Show is down to a knee. He fights and shoves HHH off again. HHH to the 2nd rope…leaps and eats a forearm by Show. Head butts by Show and HHH FLOPS! Side slam by Show. Corner splash by Show. Another corner ass splash. Gets a 3rd and then a shoulder block. He calls for the chokeslam…GOOZLE...but it was the bad hand and the ref is down. HHH gets sledgy! He tries to hit Show, who breaks it! Big boot to HHH. Head butt by Show and HHH to the floor. HHH has a chair, boot by Show and rams HHH to the steel steps. Show grabs the steps and picks them up, but he can't. LOW BLOW by HHH. He has the chair and nail's hand! HHH stalks him with the chair again…SPEAR by Show on the floor! He rolls HHH back into the ring and looks at his left hand. GOOZLE but HHH nails him with the left over part of sledgy! PEDIGREE! 1…2…3!
Winner: HHH @ 16:05 via pin
HHH even takes time to hide sledgy and leaves.
Masters is working out backstage. Carlito is there and says he is bigger everyday. Carlito says what do all the cell guys besides them have in common. Masters says they haven't broken the Master lock. Carlito says they have all been champ. He says they are in the same boat, never champ. No one gibes them a shot and that's not cool. Carlito says it doesn't have to be everyman for themselves. They can work together and take them all out and then they can battle for the title and some new blood will have the title. Masters says that sounds…cool.
Royal Rumble commercial, Caesar style is shown.
They welcome King back to the announce table.
Shelton says no one talks to his mamma like that and he wants an apology. Mamma says no one disrespects a Benjamin woman. They came to far, they don't take no ass whoopins, they dish them out! VISCERA GET OUT HERE! She wants his ass in the ring so her son can kick it.
Shelton Benjamin w/Mamma vs. Viscera
Lock up and a headlock by Shelton. Tossed off and a shoulder block to no effect ands then another and he is down. Viscera mocks Shelton and he is back up. Lock up and a top wrist lock by Shelton. Flip out by Shelton and a go behind, but Viscera backs that ass up and then slams Shelton down. Shelton to the floor and Mamma yells at him. Viscera follows and Mamma pushes him. Shelton then nails Viscera after hiding behind Mamma and Viscera knocks him down. Chops by Viscera and back into the ring. Running knee by Shelton. Another and Viscera is down. Boots to Viscera's leg and then a basement dropkick by Shelton. Up top…clothesline and Viscera is down and Shelton covers for 2. Boots to Viscera, and he works the leg. Viscera boots Shelton away and he goes to the floor. Back in and chops by Viscera. Off the ropes and a Samoan drop by Viscera. Dear god Mamma is hilarious. "DO I NEED TO GET THE BELT SHELTON?" Viscera works over Shelton and slams him down. BIG elbow drop by Viscera gets 2. Head butts by Viscera, then chops. Reversal sand a BOSSMAN SLAM to Shelton. Oh lord, Viscera dry humps Shelton…THERE IS NO DRY HUMPING IN WRESTLING! Viscera grabs Shelton…clothesline. Off the ropes…MISSES the splash. Rights to Viscera as Mamma says to WHOOP THAT ASS. Mamma nails Viscera with her purse, spin kick by Shelton and that's all.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin @ 8:00 via pin
Mamma yells at Viscera and then hugs Shelton.
Vince is backstage to talk with HBK. Vince is trying to be all-nice and wished him luck. He has a feeling that he will need luck since no one has entered the chamber #1 and won. HBK appreciates it and says before HBK no one had won the Rumble from #1. He did. No one has went to WM and did a ladder match and won. No one won Hell in a cell the first time, wait he did. There's first time for everything when HBK's involved. Vince laughs. He says that would be a first, and if HBK won it would be the first time that HELL froze over. Good luck Shawn.
WM 22 commercial.
Bra and Panties Gauntlet: Candice vs. Victoria vs. Maria vs. Torrie vs. Ashley
Maria and Candice to start. Boot by Candice, slam by Maria. Slam by Candice. Boots to Maria and she does her dance. Kick to Maria. Maria loses her top. Drop toehold by Maria and she strips Candice's top. Clothesline by Candice. Chokes Maria and then gets her wacky corner Japanese submission deal. Maria escapes and takes off her pants @ 2:09.
Torrie is next. Kicks by Torrie. Suplex and Maria reverses her but Torrie with a basement dropkick. Knee by Torrie, off the ropes…hand spring elbow, kinda by Torrie. Torrie to the floor and Maria with a dropkick. No Shirt for Torrie now. Spear by Torrie and they roll around. They roll on the ref. Torrie yells at him for feeling her up and Maria gets her pants off at 5:02.
Victoria is out. Boots to Maria. Sets Maria up top…she escapes. Slam by Victoria. Standing moonsault by Victoria. She gets the pants off of Maria @ 6:23.
Oh fuck me, Moohlah and Mae Young are here. Kill me now. Jesus, what have I done to deserve this? Oh no, stripper music. Kill me please. Ashish, I want a raise. Now. Hot pokers in the eyes now please. Poor Victoria has to stand there during this as well. Can I get a refund for an ASS PPV? Victoria is kicking her ass thankfully. They attack Victoria now and strip her. She had Victoria's bra almost off.
Thankfully Ashley is out. Boots by Victoria and she beats down Ashley. Widow's peak countered and she has Victoria's pants off and that's all.
Winner: Ashley @ FOREVER via stripping
She kindly strips for us, but my mind of poisoned forever now.
Shelton and his Mamma are at the Internet station. He is so excited. HAHA, she had a brick in her purse! That's why Viscera lost. That has to make Shelton feel good.
Elimination Chamber video runs.
HBK talks about "talent on loan from God." I hope he went to the Bank of the Holy Trinity today, because he'll need everything he can get to save this PPV.
Elimination Chamber for the WWE Title: John Cena © vs. HBK vs. Kurt Angle vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Kane
HBK and Cena to begin. Lock up to begin, they battle for position and HBK gets a wristlock. Hammerlock now and Cena escapes. Elbow by Cena and then they stare down. HBK slaps him and Cena fights back. Backdrop by Cena and the crowd hates him tonight. HBK tosses him to the steel floor and tries to ram Cena to the cage. He does and then tosses him back in. Chops by HBK and he lights Cena up. Boots by HBK and then rights. HBK in control, covers and gets 2. More chops to Cena, Irish whip and a reversal. HBK caught in the corner and Cena kicks him repeatedly. HBK is crotched on the ropes and Cena shakes the ropes.
4:00 is up and #3 is…Carlito. HBK and Cena battle and Carlito is in now. He attacks Cena to a big pop! SUICIDE PLANCHA TO HBK ON THE FLOOR BY CARLITO! Go Carlito! Cena fights back to boos and Carlito with a flatliner, cover for 2. HBK up top… Carlito tosses him off. Cover for 2. Rights to HBK. Elbows to Cena. Suplex to HBK and a cover for 2. Lefts to Cena now and to HBK. HBK gets a roll upon Carlito for 2. They brawl with rights and lefts and they continue to boo Cena. Chops by Carlito to Cena now. Clothesline to HBK. Cena and HBK grab Carlito and get a double flapjack to Carlito! Cena covers for 2 on Carlito. Double backdrop on Carlito.
#4 is…Angle! GERMAN to HBK! One for Carlito! ONE FOR CENA to a huge pop! Another to Carlito and HBK and then to Cena again! Belly to belly takes HBK to the floor! GERMAN to Carlito over the top rope! Forearms to Cena now. Suplex to Cena and then he goes after HBK. Catapult to HBK and he eats the cage! He lays the boots to Cena now and HBK is BSTED WIDE OPEN! Big gig for HBK. Angle slams him into the holding cell and it is covered in blood. Cena battle back on Angle. Belly to belly on Cena. He tosses HBK back into the ring and STRAPS ARE DOWN! He beats down Carlito. Reversals and an ankle lock on Carlito! He fights…10 seconds to Masters…
#5 is Masters and he saves Carlito. LEVELS Cena. Then Angle. Powerslam to Cena. Press slam to HBK. Masterlock on Angle! Escape and ANKLE LOCK! Cena stops Angle…ANKLE LOCK ON CENA! Cena fights…SUPERKICK by HBK! 1…2…3! Angle is gone! Holy shit! Carlito and Masters stalk HBK and Cena. They beat them down. Slam on Cena by Masters. Carlito with rights to HBK. Carlito rams HBK to the cage again. Clothesline by Cena to Masters. Carlito beats him down now.
Kane is finally in and it's ass kicking time. Levels Masters and Carlito. Clothesline to Masters. One for Carlito. He tosses Carlito over the top. Powerslam to Masters. Kane up top… Carlito tries to stop him and fails. Masters up with Kane…they fight it out and Kane tosses him off. Clothesline to Masters. CHOKESLAM on HBK! ONE FOR CENA! Carlito's turn from the floor…no MASTERLOCK! Escape and Lung blower by Carlito! Kane sits up and beats then down. Masters saves Carlito, double DDT to Kane. Sits up again. Masters press slams Carlito onto Kane and they pin him! Carlito pins Kane!
Masters works over Cena and Carlito works HBK. HBK tossed to the floor again. Carlito continues his attack. Suplex by Masters on Cena. Carlito scrapes HBK's face off of the cage now. Cena is slammed to the floor and they now double team HBK. Flying forearm by HBK. KIP UP and takes Carlito to the floor. Clotheslines Masters to the floor. Cena is in…Slam to Cena. HBK up top…ELBOW DROP! HBK is down and looks out. Everyone is down right now. HBK struggles to his feet…he tunes up the band…SUPERKICK to Cena! Carlito in and HBK fights he and Masters off. Carlito uses his finisher and PINS HBK!
Masters covers Cena for 2. They double-team Cena now. Double clothesline by Cena! Fisherman's suplex to Masters. PROTOBOMB to Carlito! 5-knuckle shuffle to Carlito. FU is stopped by Masters. They toss him to the floor and Cena fights off Masters. But Masters gets a sweet DDT to Cena on the steel floor! Masters wants Carlito to get up and he does. They grab Cena and Cena is busted open. Vicious rights by Carlito to Cena. Double suplex on Cena. They set Cena up top…double back superplex on Cena. Carlito calls for the Masterlock and he locks it in! LOW BLOW and Carlito pins Masters! Cena some how grabs Carlito and rolls him up for the pin!
Winner: John Cena @ 28:40 via pin
Vince is out. He says no one can leave, because the night is not over. RAISE THE CAGE! He says Cena did well. There is one more match tonight. Edge is cashing in the MITB title shot.
WWE Title Match: John Cena © vs. Edge w/Lita
Cena can barely stand and Edge beats him down with rights. Cover for 2. Another and 2. Stiff boots to Cena and Edge is in control. Edge sets up…SPEAR! 1…2…NO! It looked like 3, oops. Edge is pissed off now. He sets again…Cena is up…SPEAR! 1…2…3!
Winner: AND NEW CHAMPION EDGE @ 1:45 via pin
Edge and Lita celebrate.