WWE Royal Rumble '99
January 24th, 1999

Sometimes, when you're dreading something, it's just best to get it over with. In my quest to review all of the WWF/E's Royal Rumble events, this was the one I really wasn't looking forward to. It's rare that a Rumble is not among my favorite matches. But Vince found a way, didn't he? Still, there are a couple of good matches on this one. I guess I'll enjoy those, then find a way to get through the main event. Let's get to it.

WWF Royal Rumble '99
Posted by the Accelerator, February 26th, '07

- The name of this one, according to the box, is "Royal Rumble: No Chance In Hell". We've got pictures of Stone Cold, as well as the Rock nailing Mankind with a ring bell.

- My copy starts with Exclusive Video of "the Roaddogg" Jesse James, the Big Boss Man(RIP), Mark Henry, Jeff Jarrett, & Jim Cornette talking about the Rumble, as well as collecting the $100,000 bounty that Vince McMahon put on the head of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Interestingly enough, three of those five are in TNA now. Who would thought that, out of those 5, Mark Henry would be the one still with WWE?

- The opening promo talks about Vince McMahon 'randomly' drawing Stone Cold as the #1 entry into the Rumble, followed by Commissioner Shawn Michaels making McMahon entry #2. We barely even have a mention of any other wrestlers, including the guys fighting for the World Title. There's an issue right there, as that one ought to be a bigger deal. Oh well. Vince McMahon's music, "No Chance In Hell", is playing in the background. Of course, it wasn't his music yet; I think he took it after this one.

- Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler are your announcers for the evening.

The Roaddogg(c) vs. The Big Boss Man(RIP), Non-Title Match

The Roaddogg comes out wearing the WWF Hardcore Title around his neck. Michael Cole mentions that the Corporation (aka Vince's stable) has made this match non-Hardcore and non-Title, which apparently gives the edge to the Boss Man (one-half of the Tag Champs). I'm not sure why, as I think it would make more sense to have the Corporation beat him down and take away the title. The Roaddogg does his usual opening spiel for the New Age Outlaws, even though Billy Gunn's nowhere to be found. The Boss Man tries some psychology, running the ropes. The Roaddogg just says Suck It. Slow start here, with chants from the crowd. At least they're pumped up. We'll see if that lasts. The Boss Man dominates early on, slugging on the Roaddogg. The champ comes back and strings up the Boss Man on the ropes, then gets the 10-Punches in the corner, then ignores an Inverted Atomic Drop and gets in a few more licks. This inspires the Boss Man to go for his nightstick, but the ref stops it, as the Roaddogg leaves the ring. Outside, the Roaddogg pulls the Boss Man's legs, yanking him into the post, as the referee was busy elsewhere. The Boss Man comes back and uses his power on the Roaddogg, punching away on him. The Roaddogg gets in his own punches, which seem to be the main maneuver in this one. The Boss Man gets a big boot on the Roaddogg and starts to dominate, launching the Roaddogg into the corner at full speed. A bear hug follows, as I go for something to drink. I come back as the Roaddogg bites his way free, only to take a knee from the Boss Man, followed by more kicking. The Boss Man takes off the turnbuckle cover, then slams down the Roaddogg, making a loose pin.

Michael Cole: "Nonchalant cover by the Boss Man, failed to hook the leg. It may have cost him."

The King: "Yeah, bad cop. No donut!"

The Boss Man dominates with different back rest holds, yelling to the King about who da man is. For some reason, the Boss Man is bleeding from a cut on the nose. I doubt that was planned. The Roaddogg manages to twist into his own rest hold, the Sleeper Hold, with the Boss Man escaping via an eyerake. He gives the Roaddogg a backbreaker, then decides to climb the turnbuckle. Stupid move, as the Roaddogg slams him off the ropes. Exchange of punches, with the Roaddogg taking the advantage with jabs and the Shake Rattle 'n' Roll. A barely-airborne Flying Forearm is followed by his strange, seizure-like kneedrop, but the Boss Man kicks out at 2. The Roaddogg then makes the fatal decision to run the ropes, as the Boss Man catches the Roaddogg and gives him the Boss Man Slam, getting the surprise, out-of-nowhere victory.

Ace Thoughts: The match was slow, but sometimes good matches can result from that. This time, though, it just seemed too strange, especially with the rapid ending. I don't think anyone in the crowd saw the Roaddogg getting beat so cleanly. Also, I still don't get why the Corporation wouldn't even want to go for the Hardcore Title that the Boss Man had lost to the Roaddogg not too long before this PPV. It really devalued the title at this point.

- A review shows how Billy Gunn mooned Ken Shamrock's sister, Ryan, causing Shamrock to snap and go after Gunn, injuring his ankle. It was supposedly a plan by Gunn to cause Shamrock to put up the Intercontinental Title. So the Roaddogg's title isn't on the line, but Shamrock's is? Is Vince mad at the Corporation or something?

"The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock(c) vs. "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn, WWF Intercontinental Heavyweight Title Match:

Shamrock is the other half of the WWF World Tag Champs. We start quickly with a brawl, with both men getting in a lot of shots. Shamrock takes control with a huge clothesline on Mr. Ass, but Gunn comes back with his own clothesline on the next charge, putting both men down. Gunn gets a 2 count. And now, after that little bit of action, we're back to rest holds. Gunn gets a long-holding Suplex for another 2 count, staying in control. But Gunn opted for a running charge into the corner, sending himself into the post in an obvious spot. Shamrock then kicked Mr. Ass in the, uh, ass. Shamrock dominates for a while, focusing on Gunn's back. Just like the Boss Man did. Hmmm, tag partners think alike. Anywhow, Shamrock tries to get Gunn with a backdrop, but Gunn answers with the Fame-Asser! Oh, but the Fame-Asser isn't a finisher yet, so it doesn't have the impact necessary to put the IC Champ away. More similarities with tag partners, as Gunn gives Shamrock the 10-Punch count, along with a few hip swivels. Gunn then tries a charge, but Shamrock drops again, and Gunn flies to the outside.

The King: "Think about it, Kenny! That's right where your lovely little sister was sitting! He mooned her, he mooned your little sister!" (Motivational Speech)

Shamrock, possibly indeed motivated, beats on Gunn on the floor, tossing him into posts, stairs, and chairs as fans at ringside flip him off. Shamrock considers throwing Gunn off the apron, but Gunn gets a few elbows, then comes off himself, slamming Shamrock's head into the announce table! Gunn tries a loose cover for a 2 count. Gunn looks to be in complete control, but Shamrock sweeps the leg, re-injuring Gunn's leg. Shamrock focuses fully on the leg, punishing it, and Gunn's in trouble. Gunn manages to come back enough to get a roll-up, but Shamrock still has the power, getting a Fisherman's Suplex for a close count. The referee gets killed by a clothesline, and seconds later, Shamrock and Gunn clothesline each other, so everyone's down. Val Venis surprisingly runs out, getting a DDT on Shamrock as revenge for an assault from Shamrock a few weeks before (Venis had also shown off in front of Ryan). Gunn gets a close 2 count, as the fans thought it was over. Gunn lands several maneuvers, then opts to go for a top turnbuckle maneuver. They don't seem to be working very well today, as Shamrock dodges the Axehandle. Gunn lands on his ankle, and Shamrock leaps into action, getting his Ankle Lock and forcing Gunn to tap out to retain the title.

Ace Thoughts: Ok, two faces have come in, and two faces have been beaten cleanly. In fact, this one was even worse than the first one, in that the outside interference on Shamrock still wasn't enough for Gunn to get the win. Of course, from what I remember hearing way back when, there was some controversy, due to Gunn arriving late at the event due to a party the night before. I have to research that one; I remember Scott Keith mentioning something about it, but I don't have his reviews handy. Anyhow, as I said, so far the fans aren't getting what they want. But surely that will change, right?

- Vince McMahon is shown in the back, getting motivated by his son Shane, along with the Stooges (Brisco & Patterson). The announcers talk about how Vince had slapped Austin earlier, getting a 'taste', as Shane puts it.

X-Pac(c) vs. Gangrel, WWF European Heavyweight Title Match:

The referee for this one is Teddy Long. He's come so far since then. X-Pac is in control at first, giving out hip-tosses, as Gangrel shows off his pearly whites. X-Pac gets called the greatest European Champion ever by Michael Cole. Sadly, that might be true. X-Pac misses a jump into the corner, and Gangrel smashes him from behind with a splash, getting himself a 2 count. Grangrel throws X-Pac onto the top rope, and X-Pac flips like a maniac, showing why he became a star in the WWF. Gangrel uses some rest holds, which allows X-Pac to fight free. But Gangrel throws X-Pac high in the air, sending him face-first to the mat for another 2 count. X-Pac comes back with some Spinning Heel Kicks, trying to knock those fangs loose. We have our third DX member getting in the 10-Punches, showing that we've seen them in every match so far. The Bronco Buster follows, with another Spinning Kick landing right afterwards. Cole mentions that Gangrel's suffering from a concussion. NOW you tell us this? The two fight on the top rope, with X-Pac knocking down Gangrel and going for a Crossbody. Gangrel reverses and gets the pin, and Teddy Long actually counts to 3, even though X-Pac kicks out. The fans start to tell Long that he f'ked up. The King actually tries to explain it, saying that Long had started to count for X-Pac's pin with his first count. Uh-huh. X-Pac ends things anticlimatically with the X-Factor, retaining his title.

Ace Thoughts: At least the fans finally got one DX member to cheer for. Good to see a face win. It wasn't the most tremendous of matches, but at least it was short. It did have a few good moves, I have to admit. It just wasn't that memorable.

- D-Generation X (Triple H, Chyna, the Roaddogg, and a tired X-Pac) is interviewed in the back, with each promising to win the Rumble and get the $100 grand. Billy Gunn is noticably absent, due to his injured ankle. At least they remembered the injury.

- Shane McMahon comes out to the ring and introduces 'the next Women's Champion', Luna. Luna's got her wild look going strong. Since Luna attacked Sable earlier on Heat, Shane says that Sable's going to have to forfeit the title due to her injury. Of course, no surprise here, as Sable refuses, saying only three words: "Ring The Bell".

Sable(c) vs. Luna, WWF World Women's Title Strap Match:

Shane comes to the announce table, joining Cole & the King. Strap matches are hard to write up, but I'll give it a try. We basically have Sable beating the crud out of Luna with the straps, smacking her repeatedly. Sable then tries to run around and win the match quickly by tagging each corner, but Luna gets a big shot to stop things. Luna chokes Sable with the strap, while putting her feet in the back. Cole questions Shane about Sable embarrassing him, which might be why Shane's backing Luna. Of course, Shane denies it. Luna goes for the corners, but Sable yanks her back and starts strapping Luna again. The fans are loving it. Sable misses a charge into the corner, and Luna immediately grabs her and lands her Backbreaker, badly hurting the champ. We then get the most-used ending in strap matches, as Luna drags Sable around to tag the corners, with Sable tagging them as well. It doesn't end like normal, though, as Shane leaps up and distracts the ref before Sable can get the fourth turnbuckle. But the mysterious Sable-stalker (Tori) runs in and takes out Luna, and Sable's able to tag that final corner to stay the Women's Champion.

Ace Thoughts: Not a terrible match, although it seemed pretty short for a Strap Match. The backbreaker that Luna gives is better than many of the guys back in the locker room, showing her skills as a multi-generation wrestler. The ending was a little weak, but then, you can't expect much when it comes to Strap matches.

- The Corporation (Shamrock, Test, & the Boss Man) are shown in the back, talking about taking out Austin in the Rumble.

- A promo runs, with Mankind tricking the Rock into agreeing to an "I Quit" Match. Obviously, Mankind has the edge there, as he supposedly has never quit before. The Rock, though, has Vince on his side, which meant that Mankind got softened up before the match by beatings by the Boss Man and Mabel. Afterwards, "Doc" Michael Hayes interviews the Rock, who guaran-damn-tees that he, as the Great One, will get the title back.

Mankind(c) vs. the Rock, WWF World Heavyweight Title I Quit Match:

We start with a beatdown from Mankind, who immediately tries to ask the Rock about quitting. Unfortunately, the mic doesn't work. Mankind, undeterred, goes back to beating on the Rock, as the ref either fixes the mic or gets another one. Not sure which. Either way, the mic works the next time, as Mankind tries again, with the Rock telling him to kiss his... and the mic's smashed into the Rock's head multiple times. We've got another mic, with the Rock promising to kick Mankind's ass. The Cactus Jack Clothesline takes both to the outside, with Mankind continuing the beating. The Rock finally manages a reversal to send Mankind hard into the steps. Unlike other people, Mick Foley flips over the steps, which has to hurt. The Rock then takes a moment to become an announcer, but Mankind catches him with rights, followed by a chair shot to the back. Mankind's really controlling a lot of this. Back in the ring, Mankind gets the Double-Arm DDT, followed by Mr. Socko to the mouth! The King correctly points out that the Rock can't quit with a full mouth. The Rock is out too much to say anything, so Mankind takes the mic instead.

Mankind: "Get the hell up, you piece of crap! I'm going to split open that ridiculous eyebrow!"

The fight goes back out of the ring and into the crowd. But a charge by Mankind ends up into a Powerslam over the rail, as the Rock starts to take charge finally. The Rock puts the ringbell on Mankind's head and rings the bell, which isn't good for your long-term hearing. The Rock also gives a little song about how bells will be ringing. The Rock then goes for the Rock Bottom on the Spanish Announce Table. Unfortunately, the 600 lbs on the table caused it to collapse before the move takes place. The Rock spits water into Mankind's face, which apparently wakes him up, as he fights back. We head up the aisle and towards the technical area, where the Rock throws Mankind headfirst into a table. More fighting, with the Rock blocking a punch and DDT'ing Mankind on the concrete floor! Mankind refuses to quit, so the Rock kicks away at him. The Rock disappears for a minute, then comes back with a ladder, only to get it kicked into his mouth. Mankind tries an elbow onto the Rock, but the Rock avoids it, at least partially.

The Rock: "I'm the one who delivers an electrifying elbow! Say you quit, you piece of trash!"

Mankind: *cough cough* "Nooooo!"

The Rock opts to take the ladder over to the higher seats and sets it up, climbing up to the balcony above. Mankind follows, and we're going for the high spot. Cole says it must be at least 12 feet. That's debatable, but it's certainly higher up. The two punch on the edge, with the Rock nearly falling. But the Rock gets a low blow, then heads over the railing. With Mankind positioned, the Rock gives him the Rock punch, sending Mankind into the electrical circuit board below, blowing out the lights in the arena! Painful looking spot, as that board didn't appear to give. The Rock comes down and kicks away at Mankind, and even Shane McMahon comes out to try and get the match ended. The Rock denies it, though, saying that Mankind has to quit. The Rock wants the belt, gosh-darn-it! As Mankind crawls towards the ring, the Rock pounds on him, refusing to even ask if he quits. I guess the Rock knows that won't happen. We go back to the ring, as the Rock conveniently finds some handcuffs and puts Mankind's hands behing him. Mankind is bleeding from beneath the mask, but still manages a low blow-kick to get back into it. He kicks away at the Rock, as well as biting at him, but there's very little offense that Mankind can do without hands. Oh, wait, I take that back, as Mankind gives the Rock a huge knee to the groin!

The King: "The Corporate jewels have been shattered!!"

Finally, the Rock gets back in control with a clothesline, and drops a Corporate Elbow onto the chair, which was sitting on Mankind's head. The Rock tries to get Mankind to say "I Quit", but Mankind tells the Rock to go to hell. The Rock is sending Mankind there first, as we smashes Mankind repeatedly with the chair to the skull. Even the King is starting to say that's enough. Both Cole & the King are pleading for Foley to say I Quit, but he's not saying it, as the Rock continues to smash him with the chair up the aisle. I've lost count of how many chair shots we've had. Mankind seems to try to give the Rock his back, but the Rock wants more headshots. What a beating. The Rock puts the mic in front of the unconscious Mankind's mouth, and the speakers play Mankind's voice from earlier promos, saying "I Quit". The Rock becomes the WWF World Champion, as the fans are completely stunned.

Ace Thoughts: I've seen a lot of Mick Foley's matches, including his runs in Barbed Wire Exploding Tables Matches overseas, but this was one of the most brutal matches I've ever seen. He took more than a dozen blows to the head, unprotected, and I think the Rock got a little too zealous there. If you want to see the real story behind the ending of this match, including its aftermath, check out Beyond The Mat.

- A promo runs, showing the Austin/McMahon feud almost totally, including Austin getting beat by Kane & the Undertaker, Shane McMahon's turning on Austin, Ken Shamrock's betrayal, and Austin beating the Undertaker in a "Buried Alive" Match to earn a shot in the Rumble. Of course, McMahon quickly rigged the vote to make Austin the #1 entrant. Commissioner Michaels then made McMahon the #2 entrant, instead of McMahon's choice, #30. It is a very long promo. Heck, even this review of it's longer than normal for a promo.

- They show a clip of Heat, where Austin was denied access since he didn't have a limo. So he went and got the "E-Limo-Nator" and destroyed several cars as he came in. We then seee McMahon slap Austin and run, allowing Austin to beat the crud out of Brisco & Patterson. So is there anyone else in this Rumble?

30-Man Royal Rumble Match:

Ok, that answers my question. There are 28 others. We just don't care about them. The King berates Howard Finkle, who takes a long time to explain the pretty simple rules of the match. #1 is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, as everyone knew. #2 is Vince McMahon, as, yes, everyone knew. Vince comes out shirtless, showing off his freakish physique for his age. Not too shocking a beginning, as Austin beats the holy hell out of McMahon. Austin takes his time, delivering a low blow with a stomp. Austin could have eliminated Vince, but he changed his mind, keeping Vince in the ring. #3 is Golga (better known as Earthquake)(RIP), who attacks Austin for the bounty, to the boos of the crowd. Austin quickly tosses out Golga, though, then chases Vince through the crowd to the back. Neither is eliminated. As they disappear, #4 is Droz, who is now part of the Legion of Doom, but we don't care about that. We stay on Austin/Vince, as Vince leads Austin into a ladies room, where the Corporation was waiting. Austin gets beat down, as we go back to the ring to watch Droz stand around. #5 is Edge, giving us two men fighting in the ring, with no clue of what's going on in the back (as the cameraman was taken out).

Droz and Edge do their best, but the crowd could care less. #6 is Gillberg, the parody of Goldberg, who comes through sparklers and a fire extinguisher. Gillberg poses in the ring, and Edge throws him over the ropes. If he didn't have such a long entrance, Gillberg might have set a time record. We're shown the back again, where Austin's down and surrounded by the Corporation. #7 is "The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman, who goes after Droz with some elbows. Austin's shown again, as a stretcher comes in to scoop him off the ground. The action in the ring, well, we all know it doesn't matter, anyway. #8 is "The Beast" Dan Severn, who goes at it with his rival, Blackman. The fans wake up a little bit. Austin's taken out to the ambulance, and if you look close, you can see both Hebners, as well as Teddy Long. #9 is Tiger Ali Singh, but we quickly cut away from him to another shot of Austin going into the ambulance. The ambulance drives off, which, of course, means that Austin won't be coming back. Right? Right?

#10 is the Blue Meanie, and we've got 6 men in the ring. Maybe, with Austin gone, we can concentrate on the match. The fans love the Meanie, who is very overweight at this time. #11 sounds, but no one comes out. We're shown Headbanger Mosh in the back, as he gets destroyed by Mabel! Mabel then takes his place (a precedent that would be used by Mick Foley a few years later). Mabel throws out Severn & Blackman, the Meanie, and Droz, leaving him against Edge. #12 is the Roaddogg, who runs down to try and help Edge. No, wait, after Edge gives Mabel a low blow, the two fight, with the Roaddogg tossing out Edge. Not smart, Roaddogg. As the two go at it, though, the lights go out, and the Undertaker's music plays! When the lights come back up, Mabel is out of the ring, courtesy of the Acolytes (Bradshaw & Faarooq) & Mideon. The Undertaker then appears at the entryway, be-witching Mabel (there's nothing else to call it). The group takes Mabel away, and this would be the last we see him, as he would re-emerge as Viscera, his current persona.

The King: "Well, right now we've got only one... well, no, Mr. McMahon's still in the Royal Rumble!"

Michael Cole: "And so's Stone Cold Steve Austin."

The King: "No, he's in the hospital."

#13 is Gangrel. Cole mentions that the King's picks to win the Rumble were Blackman and Gangrel. The King blames the Psychic Network. Seconds later, the Roaddogg throws out Gangrel, and gets to wait for a little bit. #14 is Kurrgan of the Oddities, who has a distinct size advantage over the Roaddogg. He dominates the DX member for the full time. #15 is Al Snow of the Job Squad, who is "Head-less" thanks to Goldust stealing it. Snow and the Roaddogg double-team Kurrgan, as the crowd chants for Head. But the Roaddogg turns on Snow, tossing him out from behind! It's back to Kurrgan vs. the Roaddogg, and Kurrgan immediately starts dominating again. #16 is Goldust. I immediately have to wonder, if they were that close, why didn't you just let Goldust and Snow meet up in the Rumble? Sheesh. Goldust goes after both men, and actually gets some good shots on Kurrgan. But the Roaddogg comes back and sets up Goldust for his own Shattered Dreams maneuver. Kurrgan breaks it up. #17 is the Godfather, and the crowd cheers for the ho's. There's only two of them this time. The Godfather pounds on Goldust, while the crowd looks at the departing ladies.

Fans: "We want ho's! We want ho's! We want ho's!"

#18 causes everything to go dark, as Kane's music starts up. Kane is the first favorite since Austin/McMahon. He shows it, too as the Roaddogg, Kurrgan, and the Godfather got tossed out. Kane Chokeslammed Goldust out, and the crowd went wild. Then the white hats come down to put Kane back in an institution, trying to put him in a straight-jacket. Basically, Kane defied Vince McMahon & the Rock, so Vince signed the papers. Yep. Kane throws around the orderlies, then eliminates himself, leaving through the crowd. We have an empty ring again. In a rumble. A Royal Rumble. #19 is Ken Shamrock, even as Vince McMahon returns. He enters the ring, then leaves it to go to the announce booth and chat some with Cole & the King. #20 is "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn, who gest to go after Shamrock again. Of course, his foot's still hurt, and Shamrock immediately attacks it, pounding on Gunn's injury. Gunn manages a suplex to stay in, taking control even though his ankle is killing him. Gunn nearly tosses Shamrock out, but Shamrock skins the cat and comes back in. This allowed Shamrock to cut Gunn's leg again. #21 is Test, making it two Corporation members against Gunn. Of course, we then have to cut away to see Mabel getting stuck into a herse. As the announcers are speculating about Mabel's fate, an ambulance drives back, showing that Austin is driving. McMahon's Adam's Apple is bobbing up and down.

Oh, the Rumble? Right. Gunn gets a double clothesline on the Corporation members, as #22 rings. It's the Boss Man's music, but Austin's seen walking down the aisle, looking for McMahon. The Boss Man follows him down. Austin chases Vince around the ring, but Shamrock intercepts him. Shamrock then flies out seconds later, thrown out of the Rumble, as the Boss Man goes after Austin. #23 is Triple H, who immediately goes after Test, saving Billy Gunn. Gunn then attacks Austin, and the crowd boos again. Triple H also goes after Austin, showing that even DX wants the money. Austin destroys Gunn with a huge clothesline, as the count begins again. #24 is Val Venis, who immediately gets nailed by Triple H. We've got 6 in the ring, with McMahon still live as well. Just as I type that, Gunn gets tossed out by Austin, who is taking out everyone. #25 is X-Pac, and it becomes Corporation members vs. DX members, while Venis and Austin go at it. No eliminations taking place now, as the ring fills up.

#26 is "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, who is a ladies man at this point (although his sleeping with a transvestite nammed Sammi weakened that position). #27 is Jeff Jarrett w/ Debra, and the crowd is cheering for the puppies. Jarrett hits several people, including Austin, but DX joins up to double-team him, clotheslining him. X-Pac then surprisingly turns on Triple H, Spin Kicking him, before getting the Bronco Buster on the Boss Man. Cole asks if Vince will pay the bounty via check or cash, and Vince icily replies, asking Cole if his check passes every week. Gulp. #28 is D-Lo Brown, along with P.M.S. (Pretty Mean Sisters). Austin finally strikes again, tossing out Test. Seconds later, the Boss Man throws out X-Pac. Vince is having a stroke, wanting Austin thrown out. Jarrett & the Boss Man try to toss out Austin, with no success, as Austin gets the Thesz Press on Jarrett. Jarrett then gets tossed by Triple H, right before #29 Owen Hart(RIP) runs out. Hart immediately goes after Austin. But Triple H distracts Hart & D-Lo, allowing Austin to roll out of the ring and come to the announce table. He drinks some water, then throws the rest of the pitcher into Vince's face. Vince is ticked.

#30 is "The 9th Wonder Of The World" Chyna, the first woman ever in the Royal Rumble. Chyna attacks Henry, who had previously lied about scoring with her. Chyna comes through, beating on Henry and throwing him out! As Chyna curses out Henry, though, Austin comes up behind her and throws her out! Henry laughs at her before leaving. Triple H, meanwhile, goes after Austin, trying to avenge his woman. We've got 7 left in the Rumble: Austin, the Boss Man, Brown, Hart, McMahon, Triple H, and Venis. Venis tries to get the bounty on Austin, but Triple H casually grabs Venis and throws him out. Shortly thereafter, Austin gives Triple H the Stunner and sends him out. As I've mentioned before, in the Rumble, the Stunner goes from knocking someone out to leave them standing senseless. While Hart and the Bossman go at it, D-Lo tries to beat down Austin some more, taunting him. Austin comes back, though, and takes control, even as Hart almost gets the Bossman out. Vince is still begging for someone to toss Austin out.

We have more back-and-forth action, with Hart getting an Enziguiri on Austin. But Hart then does the ol' Rumble Charge, and Austin sends him out. We're down to the final four (although Cole keeps calling it 3). Brown gets the Lo-Down on Austin, but as he brags, the Boss Man tosses him out! But Austin then gets up (damn fast after getting hit by a finisher) and Stuns the Boss Man before eliminating him, making it Austin vs. McMahon. The crowd loves it. Austin comes out of the ring and drags McMahon from behind the announce table, throwing him over the railing! Austin continues the abuse, tossing McMahon back and getting a steel chair. McMahon takes a bad pop with a chair on the outside. Mick Foley mentioned a story in his first book about Terry Funk calling Mr. McMahon the definition of Hardcore, as a multi-millionaire doesn't need to take chairshots like that. McMahon's there for the story. Back in the ring, Austin stares down on Vince. This is a mistake, as Vince does a lunging low blow. Both are struggling to get up, with Vince charging Austin. He misses, leading to the boot and the Stunner. This time, the Stunner knocks McMahon out, so Austin can't just easily toss him. Strange. As Austin continues the punishment, the Rock comes out, taunting Austin from ringside. As Austin and the Rock start to go at it, McMahon comes up from behind and throws Austin out. In the most improbable of endings, Mr. McMahon wins the Royal Rumble. Austin and the Rock fight to the back, as Mr. McMahon recovers and celebrates with Shane and the Stooges, drinking Austin's beer.

Ace Thoughts: Hands down, my least favorite Rumble ever. Not only were there a lot of dead patches throughout the Rumble, there was also little excitement, as the Austin/McMahon storyline was the only one focused on. Plus, of course, you have Vince winning the Rumble, quite possibly the worst decision I've seen in quite a while. Luckily, the 2000 Rumble would start restoring the good name of the event, as this was definitely the lowest point in Rumble history. In fact, this whole PPV is really not worth your time. As hard as it is for me to say, you can skip this Rumble. Trust me.

The Accelerator