WWE Armageddon '05
December 18th, 2005


This would be another of my acquisitions this past week from Blockbuster and their Blow-Out Sale of DVD's. Yep, another WWE DVD for $4. Ok, so I'm still celebrating the find. So, let's take a trip back to the end of 2005. The Undertaker made his stunning return at the '05 Survivor Series and is seeking revenge on Randy Orton inside the Hell In A Cell, while Rey Mysterio & Batista have teamed up, as the Smackdown WWE Tag-Team Champs, to take on the World Tag-Team Champs from Raw, Kane & the Big Show, in a special non-title affair. And John Cena, the WWE Champion, was not on the show, due to it still being a "Smackdown" event. That's one less match I have to look forward to. In fact, the only title being defended tonight is the World Cruiserweight Title. Take that, cruiserweight-haters! Let's get to the review.


WWE Armageddon '05
Posted by the Accelerator, March 28th, 2008

- The cover of the box is, quite simply, a shot of a man yelling, with explosions reflecting in his eyes. At first, I thought it was Kurt Angle, but since he's not even at this event, I decided against that. Now my guess is that it's Batista. If you want to see for yourself, check out the poster in the WWE Show Information Section.

- The only extra available on my DVD is the "History of the Friendly Tap", with Josh Mathews showing off some of the many moments there. We start in January '00, where we have the APA beating up some idiots, the New Age Outlaws beating up the same idiots, and then the APA and the New Age Outlaws fighting it out against each other. We cut to August '00, as the APA and the Kaientai get drunk together (the APA eventually takes them out). In July '01, we have "Stone Cold" Steve Austin thinking about leading the WWE faction against the Invasion while drinking some cold beer. Finally, it's to February '02, with the APA getting invited back to the bar on Men's Night (hilarious). The eventually get attacked by Billy & Chuck. There's definitely been a lot of tv events at the Friendly Tap (owned by Tim White, whom we'll see a lot of later).

- The opening video is an Armageddon specialty, with the dark voice talking about the return of the Undertaker. His return at the Survivor Series, as well as his mind games towards Orton, are all shown. Surprisingly, this is the only match covered in the intro video.

- Michael Cole and Tazz are your announcers, representing Smackdown. Wow, it just feels weird, only having two announcers for a show. Oh, wait, there's Carlos Cabrera & Hugo Savinovich for the Spanish announcers! Cool, now I feel better. The announcers make sure to point out the ominous Hell In The Cell hovering above the ring.

John Bradshaw Layfield w/ Jillian Hall vs. Matt Hardy:

They show clips of Kristal trying to interview Matt on Friday Night Smackdown, only to have JBL interrupt, crutches and all (he was 'nursing' injuries). When Matt referred to JBL ditching all of his tag-team partners, JBL sucker-punched Matt, then tried to tell all his fans that despite his injuries, he'd be at the PPV. At least, I think that's what he's going to say, as he's interrupted by Matt charging him and tackling him back into the equipment behind them. The announcers make sure to mention that JBL also cost Matt a match later on (against Booker T). That basically led to this PPV match.

JBL talks about himself on the mic before the match, praising himself and bashing Hardy.

JBL: "Matt Hardy, who has a slogan, 'I Will Not Die'. Let's see. You get fired from your job, you lose your girlfriend, and all you can do is say 'Wah wah wah' on the Internet, 'Somebody please help me because I don't have the guts', and all you can come up with is a cheap-ass t-shirt that says 'I Will Not Die'! How about this, Matt? Why don't you tell the truth, and put on your t-shirt that you're selling to your little Internet geek friends, 'I wish I were dead'! Because tonight is the pinnacle of your career! Tonight, Matt Hardy, you get in the ring, you will be destroyed! But you get in the ring with JBL! You will forever say I knew the media maven, because you can look on Fox News, you can look on the Street.com, you can look on my syndicated radio show, and know that I am a one-man conglomerate! And most importantly, Matt Hardy finally gets what he wants, and what his girlfiend wishes he were. He gets to step in the ring with the Main Event, the greatest WWE champion of all time, the man who carries Smackdown....

Finally, Matt Hardy's music interrupts, ending JBL's long speech. JBL turns towards the entrance ramp, but Hardy attacks from behind, sending JBL out of the ring! He leaps off the apron, dropping an axehandle, then continues to beat on JBL outside. They go back to the ring, where JBL starts fighting back, grabbing Hardy and flipping him into the ropes, where Matt gets hung up!! JBL keeps punching, as the referee (Nick Patrick) tries to get him back. Matt's choking away, as JBL boots him continuously! JBL even goes out of the ring and grabs Matt's legs, adding to the choke! Patrick finally gets Hardy free, and he collapses to the outside, basically done. JBL struggles to get Matt up, then lands a short-arm clothesline on the outside, laying Matt out. We go back to the ring, with JBL in complete control. He delivers numerous elbowdrops, doing more damage to the hurting Hardy. Jillian (with her ugly facial growth) is happy on the outside.

Hardy makes a comeback with a Swinging Neckbreaker, getting the loud cheers of the crowd. He really did have a following around this time. JBL escaped the pinfall attempt, then manages to get up first, knocking Matt down with a shoulderblock to resume control. A running boot to the face, and Matt's barely conscious. Cole, meanwhile, is complaining about JBL's recent 'injuries', including an eye injury from a referee eye poke. JBL beats on Hardy in the corner, then sets him up for a Belly-To-Back Suplex, but Matt fights free, then leaps off the corner with a Moonsault! It only gets a 2 count, as Jillian screams in terror. JBL again gets up first, removing the turnbuckle pad. But Matt meets him with punches, trying to survive. JBL goes back to the eyes, then throws Matt into the exposed 'buckle, adding a running charge. As Hardy staggers out in pain, JBL lands the Clothesline From Hell, destroying Hardy. JBL easily makes the cover, and Hardy is done.

Winner: John Bradshaw Layfield

Ace Thoughts: I actually enjoyed a lot of this match. Hardy was the complete underdog after he got his head caught in the ropes. It was nasty maneuver, and I'm glad Matt was able to do it without losing any ears or any other body parts. My only wish would have been for Hardy to have gotten more offense in. He was mostly dominated after the rope-trick, despite the fans being behind him. But then, that happened a lot after Matt returned from being released after the Edge/Lita issues. JBL looked pretty good here, although his wrestling career would take a down-turn shortly thereafter, as he started feuding with the Boogeyman. Yikes. All-in-all, about an average match here, not bad, not great.

- We get a video from the last week's Smackdown (everything happened last Friday for this PPV), where Melina seduced Batista to try to get him not to challenge M-N-M for the Smackdown Tag Titles. Afterwards, though, Batista said no deal, but that he appreciated the warm-up. That's your hero, ladies and gentlemen. Batista & Mysterio then took out M-N-M to win the Smackdown Tag-Team Titles, making tonight's match champs vs. champs.

- We see Melina in the back, with the Mexicools (Psicosis & Super Crazy) saying that they'll cancel their match tonight with M-N-M if Melina does the same thing for them. Melina's not for it, storming off as the Mexicools laugh.

- A "Hell in a Cell Last Rides" video plays, showing the Undertaker destroying Mankind in their infamous match.

M-N-M (Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro) w/ Melina vs. the Mexicools (Psicosis & Super Crazy):

The Mexicools come out on their riding mowers, reminding me of the horrible stereotypes of their stable run. Psicosis and Mercury start things out with some back-and-forth action for a while. Mercury manages to get control at first, tagging in Nitro, but Nitro gets hip-tossed multiple times, then rushes to tag Mercury back in. Mercury, not wanting to be there either, tags Nitro quickly again, and Psicosis is getting some serious respect in there. M-N-M finally gets an edge when Psicosis misses a leap into the corner, causing him to flip upside-down. But Psicosis quickly gets control again, then leaps on both members of M-N-M on the outside with a Corkscrew Maneuver! Psicosis calls for Super Crazy to do it as well, but the ref (L'il Natch) stops it, to the boos of the crowd. However, when Robinson turns to start counting out M-N-M, Super Crazy runs forward and leaps over the ref, nailing both opponents! The Mexicools are flying high!

The Mexicools get Mercury back into the ring and double-team him with an interesting leg-snap maneuver. Psicosis then goes up on the turnbuckle, but since the ref's distracted with Super Crazy, Melina interferes, tripping up Psicosis and sending him flipping back into the ring! Mercury capitalizes, getting Psicosis into the heels' corner. M-N-M starts double-teaming Psicosis, as Melina screams in the background. Psicosis reverses a Nitro move into a Sunset Flip, but Nitro makes the tag, rendering the pin attempt obsolete. Mercury takes Psicosis out with a clothesline, then tries a pin, but Psicosis kicks out. Back into the heel corner, Psicosis starts fighting back, and, after a few attempts, Psicosis manages to get a headlock/headscissors maneuver, taking out both M-N-M members! Psicosis goes for the tag, but gets grabbed by Mercury, kept from making the move, and Nitro gets his spinning legdrop to land for a close 2 count.

Nitro applies a front-face lock, with Psicosis fighting his way closer to his partner. But Nitro turns and takes out Super Crazy, so that when Psicosis does make it to his corner, no one's there to tag. Smart. Nitro grabs Psicosis and delivers a suplex, nearly putting him away. Nitro then applies some kind of headlock, which Psicosis is able to get free from. But Nitro AGAIN prevents the tag, carrying Psicosis back to his corner. Mercury tags in and goes to work, planting Psicosis on the mat with a bodyslam. He climbs the 2nd turnbuckle and comes off, with Psicosis getting a boot up. Mercury blocks it, though, then flips Psicosis over. Psicosis kicks out, but Mercury catches his foot, then arrogantly slaps the Mexicool. That's a mistake, as Psicosis responds with an Enziguiri, taking Mercury out! Psicosis finally gets the tag, and a red-hot Super Crazy is in the ring!

He immediately attacks Nitro, then goes after Mercury (still the legal man), going wild with dropkicks on both M-N-M members. He nails Mercury with a Tornado DDT, but Nitro's able to break up the pin attempt. Psicosis is back, though, diving through both men! Psicosis and Nitro go to the outside, while Super Crazy sets up Mercury. But Nitro takes out Psicosis on the barricade, while Melina tries to get involved, grabbing at Super Crazy. Super Crazy kicks her off to the outside, though, then lands the Moonsault! But Nitro's back to break up the pin, and it's a 1-on-2 handicap. Super Crazy tries to be quick, but he still gets caught with the Snap Shot, and that's the end of the match.

Winners: M-N-M

Ace Thoughts: I enjoyed this match a lot more than the opener. It was great to see how the tag-team match was put together. For one, I loved that Psicosis played the face-in-peril role so well, heating up the crowd for that eventual tag to Super Crazy. We got to see some great maneuvers from the Mexicools, while M-N-M looked unstoppable at the end with the Snap Shot. And then, of course, there's Melina, who you really can't say enough about. Great match, with the heels winning again. This win would propell M-N-M back to the Smackdown Tag-Team Titles only a short time later, while the Mexicools fell down the roster after tonight's loss, never really reaching their full potential.

- A commercial runs for the "WWE Divas Uncovered" book. Lots of T & A, which usually does sell.

- JBL & Jillian Hall are talking on the WWE Instant Access show. Yay.

- Booker T & Sharmell are seen walking down the hall, with Sharmell carrying a broom to signify the potential sweep against Benoit. Kristal interrupts, wanting Booker's comments about the match. Booker barely gets out "It's on like a neck bone" before a jealous Sharmell steps in-between them, saying that only one word is necessary: Sweep. Booker then says that the 1-2-3 is going to make Booker the new United States Champion. Sharmell also offers to loan Kristal the broom if she needs a ride home. Yeah, that was witty.

- Chris Benoit walks. Toothless Agression.

- A video runs, reviewing the feud between these two, when Booker T, still supposedly a face, took on Benoit for the US Title. Sharmell's cheating allowed Booker T to win, getting him the belt. Booker T actually knew the whole time that Sharmell was cheating for him, showing his heel tactics. The two fought again, with Benoit & Booker T coming off with a Superplex that led to a double-pin. The US Title was held up, with Smackdown GM setting up a 7-match series between the two wrestlers, renewing their battles from WCW. Booker T wins the first match with his feet on the ropes. A mistake by Benoit (crashing outside the ring), allowing Booker T to get the Axe Kick for the second win. Finally, in the third match, the ref was taken out when Benoit put on the Crossface. Sharmell tried to come in, but was stopped by Benoit. This allowed Booker T to get a chairshot to Benoit's back, followed by the Axe Kick, giving him a 3-0 lead here tonight.

Booker T w/Sharmell vs. Chris Benoit, 4th Match of the Best of 7 Series:

Sharmell comes out to her own music to announce her husband, and the soon-to-be champ, Booker T. Sharmell's wearing a tiara, and I wonder if she's the reason we eventually had King Booker & Queen Sharmell. That was a great time in wrestling, let me tell you. It takes the wrestlers time to lock up, as the crowd is chanting heavily for Benoit. We'll leave out the obvious comments here, and just stick to the match. Booker T is playing things slow to begin with, wasting a lot of time. The two eventually end up in the corner, with Booker T giving a clean break. They lock up again, with Benoit getting control with some rough chops that send Booker T to the outside again. Another lock-up, and we're going amateur wrestling, as Booker T takes down Benoit, but Benoit reverses behind him, putting Booker T down. The crowd is amazingly behind Benoit, which shows how successful Sharmell was in getting the crowd to hate Booker.

Booker T fights free and gets an arm lock on Benoit, and we are going TREMENDOUSLY slow in this one. Benoit gets himself up and reverses into the Crossface, but Booker quickly makes the ropes, and then leaves the ring for the third or fourth time tonight. Booker T makes his way back in, and we start yet again, with Booker T getting a boot to Benoit's midsection. He kicks too many times, though, as Benoit catches his leg and snaps him to the mat, then tries to do the Sharpshooter! Booker T fights free, but Benoit's still in control, punching Booker T, then taking him into the corner. Benoit gives Booker T a legdrag, and it's clear what body part Benoit's decided to focus on. He keeps doing different maneuvers on Booker T's hurt leg, adding to the pain. Booker T gets himself free by raking the eyes, getting himself back into the match. He lands a big elbow into the face of Benoit, knocking him down. Benoit later answers with chops that send sweat flying off of Booker T, but a knee to the gut stops that. Booker T then gets a suplex of sorts, as he nearly drops Benoit on his head! Benoit gets his feet on the ropes on the subsequent pin, keeping the match going.

Booker T grabs Benoit on the apron and tries to suplex him in, but Benoit reverses in mid-air, getting a big German Suplex that causes the crowd to erupt! It gets a 2 count on the pin attempt. Benoit then tries a running elbowdrop, but Booker T moves out of the way. Booker T, back in control, drops Benoit's stomach on the ropes, then knees him off the apron to the outside. He follows him out, with the two exchanging some serious chops! Booker T comes through first, though, throwing Benoit's head into the steel post! Benoit manages to come back into the ring before the count, so Booker T goes back to work, sitting Benoit on the mat, then dropkicking him. He tries a jackknife pin, but Benoit gets free. So Booker T opts for another slow hold, applying the Abdominal Stretch. Benoit gets free with a hip toss, then charges, leading to a double clothesline! Both men are down, as Sharmell nervously watches from outside.

Both men rise, with Benoit capitalizing with a German Suplex, not letting go. Booker T fights free, not wanting to feel the series, but Benoit opts then for a Belly-to-Belly Suplex instead! Benoit adds in a regular suplex, hanging onto it and rolling up with it! He lands the Three Amigos (a tribute to the late Eddie Guerrero), nearly pinning Booker T. Benoit then goes back to the Germans, landing three in a row, and Booker T's in trouble, as Benoit signals with the throat-cut about what's coming next. He goes up for the Flying Headbutt, but Sharmell starts swinging the broom at him, distracting him! Booker T catches Benoit on the turnbuckle, trying to Superplex Benoit off. Benoit reverses again, but this time he misses, falling hard to the mat!! That definitely didn't look planned. He tries to get up, but Booker T kicks him in the face, then comes off the turnbuckle with his Missile Dropkick!! Booker T makes the cover, but Benoit kicks out.

Benoit tries to come back with chops, but Booker T's still got his educated feet to stay in charge. Booker T attacks Benoit on the ropes, causing ref Jimmy Corderas to pull him away. This allows Sharmell to land the Low Blow!! Booker T delivers the Axe Kick, as Cole curses Sharmell as a witch. Booker T then makes the pin, but Benoit shockingly kicks out!! Sharmell can't believe it, and neither can Tazz. A frustrated Booker T decides to go for the Bookend, but Benoit reverses, and the Crippler Crossface gets locked in!! Booker T's desperately reaching out, and somehow he reaches the ropes, continuing the match. Benoit gets up and starts pounding Booker T's back, followed by another series of German Suplexes! With Booker T down, Benoit climbs up and nails the Flying Headbutt, then geos for the pin, but Booker T kicks out. The two lock up again, and Benoit tries to go for the Crossface, but Booker T rolls through, accidentally hitting the ref as he does so. Benoit applies the Sharpshooter, but there's no ref to notice him tapping out. Sharmell, meanwhile, goes and comes in from behind with the broom. She swings the wrong end, though, which does no damage, so Benoit goes after her. But Booker T saves her from behind. He goes for the Bookend, but Benoit reverses into a DDT, then applies the Crossface again, and this time the ref's up to see the tap out! Benoit's still alive in the series.

Winner: Chris Benoit

Ace Thoughts: Another pretty good match, especially with Sharmell's involvement. Several times, it seemed like Benoit was going to get screwed out of the title. Even though we knew that the series is likely to go 7 full matches, there really did seem to be a chance that Booker T would sweep the series. I enjoyed this one a lot, as it once again reminded me of Benoit's abilities in the ring. As long as I don't think too hard about what happened later, I can still enjoy these. If you can handle it, this is a good match to see (although I still recommend the earlier series between the two more).

- M-N-M (including Melina) are in the WWE Instant Access booth. Once again, yay.

- Another "Hell in a Cell Last Rides" video, this time showing the Undertaker sending Rikishi off the top of the cage at Armageddon '00.

- Smackdown GM Teddy Long & the Network Executive, Palmer Cannon, come out to the ring. Long's in a dancing mood, which is pretty funny. Long thanks the fans for their support of Smackdown. Cannon then grabs the mic from Long and announces that he has a special surprise. Cannon brings out Santa Clause (aka Big Vito) and his elf, Nunzio. 'Santa' hands out coal to several kids at ringside, as well as coal for Cole. Tazz gets a candy cane, though. Nunzio & 'Santa' want a Tag-Team Title shot, but Cannon has a better idea: the Boogeyman comes out. Ay yi yi.

The Boogeyman: "I'm making a list and checking it twice, Nunzio and Vito are not very nice. Boogeyman is coming.... to get ya!!"

Vito throws Nunzio to the freak, and the Boogeyman is quick to toss him into the post. Vito appears to have soiled himself. Sigh. Vito decides to attack, but the Boogeyman smashes him in the gut with the big stick, then delivers the Pumphandle Slam to 'Santa'. The stick starts shooting smoke, so the Boogeyman points it over the red Santa bag. Worms are now everywhere, including the Boogeyman's mouth. He spills a handful over poor Vito, sticking them in Vito's mouth. Ugh. The Boogeyman then leaves, as Vito is out cold with worms in his open mouth. The ring is trashed. Yeah. Merry Christmas, WWE fans.

- We get a review video of the Undertaker/Orton feud. At No Mercy '05, Orton sets the Undertaker's coffin on fire. The Dead Man returned at the '05 Survivor Series, ready for more. Later on, Orton drives a car backwards into the Smackdown set, with the Undertaker disappearing. The mind games continue, with the Undertaker pulling a bunch of tricks after setting up the Hell In A Cell. We see Orton's dad looking bloody, the Undertaker appearing in mirrors, and a coffin with both Ortons apparently inside. Orton decided to announce his retirement rather than fight, but the Undertaker doesn't allow it, bringing out the acolytes. But one of the masked men (with the urn) is Bob Orton Jr, allowing Orton to beat down the Dead Man before the match, leaving him bloodied.

- The Ortons are interviewed in the back by Kristal. Bob Orton Jr's strategy is for his son to stay in the ring. Randy talks about retiring the Undertaker tonight. Randy's still got the urn from last week.

Paul Burchill & William Regal vs. Bobby Lashley, Handicap Match:

The story here is that Lashley has beaten both Burchill and Regal in singles matches lately, but the two managed to work out this handicap match to try and give Lashley his first loss. Burchill starts things out, but immediately starts getting thrown around by the big Lashley. Lashley isn't content with just Burchill, as he whips Regal into the ring as well! But Regal manages to get a boot to Lashley's back, then attacks him on the outside, allowing Burchill to get the advantage. The heels focus on Lashley's back, trying to do some damage. Lashley, despite the pain, throws Burchill aside, but Burchill's able to tag Regal, who gets a nasty suplex on the rookie. Regal tags back in Burchill, who gets a nice-looking flying knee to the back on Lashley, nearly putting him away. Regal tags back in, but gets driven into the corner by Lashley, who gives Regal a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. Regal tags in Burchill, who starts geting dismantled by Lashley! Regal doesn't do much better, getting Powerslammed. Burchill tries to come back in, but Lashley throws him in the air to the mat. He picks Burchill up and smashes him with the Dominator, and this one's already over!

Winner: Bobby Lashley

Ace Thoughts: Throw out the entrances, and you have a match that lasted less than 4 minutes. Can you tell that Lashley was getting a monster push at this time? On the other side of things, Burchill would soon leave Regal and become a pirate for a short time. He hasn't appeared as a competitor on a WWE pay-per-view since then. This handicap loss probably didn't help his chances. Is this worth seeing? I guess it depends on if you're a Lashley fan. Personally, I could care less about pointless handicap matches on PPV. Let that time be used for someone else.

- Josh Mathews is at Tim White's The Friendly Tap, where White doesn't look too happy. Timmy doesn't look to be in the Christmas spirit. He drinks several times, as Josh talks about how White's shoulder was badly injured during the Chris Jericho/Triple H Hell In A Cell Match. Mathews decides to show the drunk White the footage from the match. A despondent White talks about how his wife left him due to the pain. His family doesn't talk to him, and his friends are all gone. He's also got IBS: Irritable Bowel Syndrome. When Josh wishes White a "White Christmas", White brings out the shotgun, then walks off with it. Josh starts to talk to the camera, then looks back and begs Mr. White not to do it. A shot rings out, and a distraught Josh Mathews stares in silence as we cut away.

Ace Thoughts: And so, one of the stupidest ideas in recent years for WWE takes place. This 'suicide attempt' led police to break down the door of the Friendly Tap (which had a note on it stating a family emergency), worried Tim's family members, and, being done only a month after Eddie Guerrero's death, reeked of bad taste. It would also lead to Tim White routinely trying to kill himself on WWE.com in a series of videos. It worked for him, but not really anyone else. Horrible angle, simply horrible.

Juventud Guerrera(c) vs. Kid Kash, WWE World Cruiserweight Title Match:

Yeah, I'm sure the apparent suicide of Tim White didn't affect the crowd at all right before the title match. Man, the cruiserweights never do get respect in WWE, do they?

Kid Kash sneak-attacked Guerrera a few weeks back, so Guerrera returns the favor tonight, attacking Kash from behind as soon as he gets the chance. The two cruiserweights brawl, with Kash sending Guerrera into the ropes, but Guerrera coming back with a low dropkick. He beats on Kash, showing some emotion, and the action is quickly getting too quick to call. Guerrera nails a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors and a Hurricanrana, then nearly pins Kash. Guerrera slows things down with an Arm Bar, and the crowd just doesn't seem to be in this. I wonder why? Kash gets free of the arm bar, but makes the mistake of charging Guerrera, who throws him to the outside. Guerrera then dives onto Kash, in what would normally be a commercial break, but now is just a fight on the outside.

Guerrera tries to throw Kash into the post, but Kash reverses it, throwing Guerrera into the post multiple times. He goes after Guerrera's arm, smashing it against the post to go for the injury. He stomps on the champ, then yells at the ref, not caring about a possible DQ. Chris Kay is the ref, BTW. Kash pummels Guerrera for a while on the mat, wrenching his arm behind him. He slaps Guerrera's head, yelling "Give it up, boy!" Kash continues to be repetitive, throwing Guerrera twice into the corner, and the two exchange chops. Juvi starts to come back for a second, but Kash is soon back in control, slamming Guerrera for a pin attempt. The crowd is dead now. Kash tries a slam onto his knee, but Guerrera won't stay down for the pin. The two start fighting it out, with a double-reversal whip that sends Kash into the corner. He goes onto the corner and tries a moonsault. Guerrera dodges, but Kash lands on his feet. He slams Juvy, then tries for a springboard moonsault, but Guerrera gets his knees up. The crowd suddenly woke up after that maneuver.

Juvi's fired up. He dodges Kash's swings, while chopping him to pieces. He has all the momentum, clotheslining Kash to the mat. Kash tries a quick Sunset Flip, but Juvy rolls out, then, after a moment's thought, gives Kash a HUGE kick!! That one echoed, and the crowd appreciated it. Guerrera pins him, but Kash manages to get a shoulder up. Guerrera sends Kash into the corner, but Kash fights off the charge, then goes to the turnbuckle, but Guerrera catches him. Both go to the top, and Guerrera nails an unbelievable Hurricanrana!!! Guerrera hurt his knee on that one. The pin is made, but Kash gets a foot on the ropes. Guerrera's trying to get the crowd into it, but it's not easy. Kash tries to call time, but Guerrera isn't having it, landing an Enziguiri for a 2 count. Guerrera is ready, though, calling for the Juvi Driver. Kash fights out twice, as we have a series of reverals, leading to Guerrera getting the Juvi Driver! But Kash kicks out again! Guerrera can't believe it! He calls for an ariel maneuver (I thought he meant the 450, but it's actually a front-flip legdrop), but Kash moves out of the way. Kash then comes and grabs Guerrera, landing his Dead Level Brainbuster!! The match is over, as Kid Kash wins the belt. He celebrates to the relative quiet of the crowd. He has the ref put the gold around his waist, befitting an egotistical wrestler.

Winner, and NEW WWE World Cruiserweight Champion: Kid Kash

Ace Thoughts: If only this one had an energized crowd, this match would have been huge. Both cruiserweights pulled out some great maneuvers, with Guerrera and Kash both showing how well they can go. Unfortunately, the crowd reaction really hurt this one, as they only popped after the really big, high-flying moves. This was actually a pretty good match. It just wasn't in the right place. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if this one had opened the night, with JBL/Hardy moving to this slot. But then, when has WWE ever cared about the cruiserweights? Sigh. I'm making myself a note to go watch some WCW action after this one, to liven my spirits. And no, I'm not talking about seeing another Hogan squash.

- Bobby Lashley is in the WWE Instant Access booth. You'd think they could have edited these off the DVD, but then, I guess they planned on the Instant Access area being a big hit for future PPVs.

- We get a video about Kane & the Big Show looking to do some damage and destruction. They show Smackdown taking out the Big Show, including Mysterio's 619 and his Dropping the Dime to pin the giant and eliminate him from the '05 Survivor Series. They set up an Interpromotional match on Smackdown, with Mysterio & JBL vs. Kane & the Big Show. JBL abandoned Mysterio (due to an 'eye injury' caused by the ref), leaving Mysterio against the two monsters. Obviously, Mysterio gets destroyed and pinned. Afterwards, the duo tried to Chokeslam Mysterio on a chair, but Batista makes the save. We're then shown what happened on Smackdown, with Mysterio & Batista teaming up to win the Smackdown Tag-Team Titles. It makes it champions vs. champions tonight, Raw vs. Smackdown.

Kane & the Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio & Batista, Champions vs. Champions Match (Titles Not On The Line):

The announcers, who quite obviously are biased for the Smackdown team, talk about how Kane & the Big Show slammed Mysterio on a car a few weeks ago, as well as the team's previous assaults on Batista leading up to Survivor Series. Mysterio has a funky "619" written on his chin, with his lips painted white. Batista and the Big Show start things out, with the Big Show displaying his strength. Batista tries a Belly-to-Belly Suplex, but he doesn't come close to lifting him. So Batista resorts to punching and running clotheslines. The Big Show goozles him, though, then tosses him into the corner. Batista gets his feet up to stop the Big Show's momentum, then he knocks the Big Show down with a shoulderblock! But the Big Show quickly gets back up, grabbing Batista by the throat again! Batista fights free of the chokeslam, but runs into a Big, Big Boot. The Big Show then tags in Kane, who starts attacking Batista. But the Animal fights back, then suplexes Kane over for another pin attempt.

Kane comes back swinging, then Side Slams Batista before going up the turnbuckle. But Batista catches him, then slams Kane off the 'buckle! He tags in Mysterio for the first time this match, and Mysterio uses his speed to attack the downed Kane with several quick maneuvers, trying to pin the Big Red Machine, with no success. Eventually, Kane gets up, and now Mysterio's shots are having no effect. But Mysterio dodges a Kane attack, then gets Kane in the turnbuckle and punches away on him, not giving up. Mysterio tries a leap off the turnbuckle with an axehandle, but Kane won't go down, so Mysterio tries a springboard, only to leap right into Kane's arms. Just like earlier, though, Kane decides to charge Mysterio in the corner, and Mysterio gets a boot up. He nails a stunned Kane from behind with a Springboard dropkick, which temporarily puts Kane into 619 territory. Kane escapes out of the ring, but gets nailed anyway by a Batista clothesline. Meanwhile, Mysterio takes out the Big Show with a baseball slide! Mysterio sets Kane up for the 619, then runs, but the Big Show pulls Mysterio out of the ring! He slams Mysterio back-first into the post, and he's down.

The Big Show 'helps' Mysterio back into the ring, where Kane is waiting for some revenge. The two monsters keep tagging in and out, taunting Batista while adding some abuse to the smallest wrestler in the ring. Cole's loving the metaphors, talking about the Big Show's hands being like a frying pan, as well as being as big as Mysterio's head. Kane's cockiness bites him, though, as he gives Mysterio a chance to recover. Mysterio reverses a Chokeslam into a Bulldog variation, then reaches desperately for a tag. But the Big Show runs over and takes out Batista, ending that. The two monsters plan to take out Mysterio, but Batista is back, attacking both men, and we have a donnybrook. Mysterio gets back into it, with Batista using him like a weapon to attack the two giants. Batista gives a Spinebuster to Kane, then clotheslines the Big Show over the top rope! Batista & the Big Show both go flying over the announce table, as Mysterio nails Kane with the 619! But Kane catches Mysterio in mid-air, throws him off, then delivers the Chokeslam!!! Kane makes the pin, and out of nowhere, this match is over!

Winners: Kane & The Big Show

Ace Thoughts: Well, that was depressing. As much as Mysterio & Batista were promoted as having a shot against Kane & the Big Show, to have it end so suddenly like that took the wind out of me. Really, though, it was a good match, and I shouldn't have a problem with the monster team getting the win. I'm too much of a Mysterio mark, I think. I still wouldn't mind seeing this match again, as it definitely had its good moments. I just wish it could have had a little more time to build, rather than have that sudden ending.

- One more "Hell In A Cell Last Rites" video, featuring the Undertaker dismantling Shawn Michaels in their Badd Blood match-up many years ago.

- The Hell In A Cell lowers to the ground, complete with dramatic music and lighting.

Randy Orton w/ Bob Orton Jr vs. the Undertaker, Hell In A Cell Match:

Bob Orton has the urn, which seems to be giving Randy some confidence. The Undertaker comes out with his usual long, spooky entrance. He's ready to fight, as the door is locked. Randy dodges for a while, trying to use his agility. As soon as the Undertaker starts to get the edge, Orton goes to the outside, but of course, there's nowhere to run. The Undertaker keeps following him, forcing Orton back into the ring. They finally lock up, with the Dead Man getting a headlock. Orton gets free, but the Undertaker delivers a shoulderblock. Orton comes back with a hip toss and a dropkick, getting some offense, and he immediately goes for a pinfall attempt. He back-body drops the Undertaker, but the Dead Man is back up immediately with a boot to the face. He throws Orton to the outside, then follows, ready to use the cage. Orton crawls away, but he can't avoid the punches of the Undertaker. He picks Orton up on his shoulders and tries a ram into the cage, but Orton escapes and gets back into the ring, saving himself.

Orton gets some punches in the corner, but the Undertaker soon reverses it, beating Orton with "soupbones" (according to Cole). The Undertaker is really in control, as he beats Orton down in the corner and chokes him with his knee. He grabs Orton's arm & leg, then drags Orton right into the post! Orton's ribs are in danger. The Undertaker sets Orton up, then boots him off the apron, dominating the Legend Killer. He bangs Orton around the ring, bouncing him off the stairs. He gets a chair from under the ring, then takes a mighty swing at Orton, smashing his forehead in!!

Cole: "Did you hear that?"

Tazz: "Payback is hell."

Orton's cut open over his right eye, but the Undertaker's not done, smashing Orton multiple times with the chair!!! Orton's blood is flowing like nobody's business! The Dead Man makes it worse, rubbing Orton's head across the cell. Orton tries to escape, but he gets caught in front of his dad (outside the cell) and gets grinded again. Bob Orton's trying to inspire his son, who grabs a steel chain, but he can't use it. The Undertaker smacks Randy's head off the steps again, and the post has a streak of blood on it now. Now the Undertaker uses the chain, choking Orton out. Orton's got a full-out Crimson Mask now. Not a pretty sight. The Undertaker picks up Orton and this time succeeds in driving him into the cage head-first, and Bob Orton looks to be waving it off, hoping for mercy.

Just as this one seems to be over, though, Randy fights back, stopping the Dead Man's attempt to use the steps by pummeling his foe to the ground. He's lost it, grabbing the stairs and planning to hit the Dead Man. But the Undertaker boots the stairs away, stopping the rally. Bob Orton is really worried about his son, now, as the Undertaker stares him down. Orton's back in the ring, while the Undertaker seems distracted by "The Cowboy" pleading for his son. He starts to come into the ring, but Orton catches him on the ropes with an RKO!!! The Undertaker falls to the outside, stunned, allowing Orton to get outside and beat on the Dead Man! Orton grabs the stairs and comes back, bouncing them off of the Undertaker's skull! Now the Undertaker's busted open as well! Now it's Orton's turn to drag the Dead Man's face across the steel cage, opening him up worse. Orton continues to focus on the Undertaker's head-wound, trying to make him bleed more. He gets the chain and chokes out the Dead Man, using the ropes! The Undertaker struggles to his feet, so Orton opts to head-butt him. That was a mistake, as Orton falls to the mat instead of the Dead Man.

Both men are in bad shape at this point, but Orton finds a weapon first, nailing the Undertaker with a chair shot to the head! Orton tries a pinfall, but the Undertaker kicks out. The Dead Man goes back to the outside, catching Orton with an uppercut, then nailing him with multiple head-butts! He whips Orton towards the steps, with Orton jumping over the steps, but hitting the cell instead!! The Undertaker then leaps off of the stairs himself into Orton! We go back into the ring, with the Dead Man bodyslamming Orton to the mat, then going up the turnbuckle! He uses the roof of the cage to go "old school" and tries an elbow drop, but Orton dodges, rolling out of the ring. He looks under the ring and gets himself a table, putting it in. He's got a demonic smile on his face. Orton sets the table partially up, but then goes back to stun the Dead Man before finishing the table. The Undertaker rolls to the outside, but leans on the wrong fence, as Bob Orton grabs him from the outside! The Undertaker fights free, though, grabbing Bob's arm and causing him to ram into the cage repeatedly!! Randy tries to attack from behind, but the Undertaker dodges, sending Randy into Bob! Now Bob Orton's bleeding as well!!

The Undertaker charges at Randy, but gets Powerslammed into the cage!! Both men are down, with referee Nick Patrick checking on both men. Randy does a cover on the outside for a 2 count. Back in the ring, the table gets knocked over by the Undertaker, who fights back against Orton, but Orton's uppercut stuns him. Orton tries a clothesline, but the Undertaker dodges, then gets his own flying variation for a 2 count! The Dead Man then goes "Old School" for real, knocking Orton down. He face-plants Orton, then tries the pin, with no success. The Dead Man's showing some frustration, according to Tazz. But he's still in control, getting the Snake-Eye, a boot to the face, and a legdrop. But he's not Hulk Hogan, so it doesn't work. The Dead Man calls for the Chokeslam, goozling the Legend Killer. Orton can't get free, so the Chokeslam lands. But Orton's too close to the ropes, getting his foot out to stop the pin attempt. The Undertaker, apparently tired of trying his own moves, goes and sets the table back up. He nails one knee into the corner, but misses the second time, leaving him wide open for a low blow from a steel-chain-wrapped fist!!! Yeouch!!

Thanks to that shot, Orton's still in this, punching away at the bloody Undertaker. Orton readjusts the table, then sets up the Undertaker, putting him on the table. Orton then goes out to the turnbuckle, coming off with a leaping splash through the Undertaker and the table!!! Big-time maneuver from the Legend Killer, there. Orton covers him, but nope, he kicks out. Orton gets rid of the table debris, then goes back on the offense, punching away on the Dead Man. The Undertaker tries to turn it against him, setting up for the Last Ride, but Orton escapes. The Undertaker then spins and swings, taking out Nick Patrick!! Yep, this one's dangerous for refs, too. The Undertaker, undeterred, goes for the Chokeslam, but Orton turns it into an RKO!!! He makes the pin, but Patrick's nowhere nearby. In fact, Patrick is outside the ring, bleeding! Referee Corderas unlocks the cell and comes in to help Patrick, which allows Cowboy Bob to enter. Meanwhile, referee Charles Robinson runs in to make a count, but the Undertaker kicks out.

A frightened Orton watches as the Undertaker sits up. Orton goes to the eyes to try and keep fighting, but the Dead Man fights off a shot, then lifts Randy up and delivers the Last Ride!!! He pins Randy, but Cowboy Bob takes out Robinson!! Two referees down! The Undertaker sees it and attacks Bob, slamming his head repeatedly into the cell! The Undertaker then goes back in the ring, setting up Randy for the Tombstone! Wait, Randy counters the Tombstone, reversing into one of his own, and he lands it!! Jimmy Corderas runs in to make the count, but the Undertaker sits up out of the pin!! Orton is terrified, trying to punch the Dead Man with no effect! He keeps sitting up! But multiple punches keeps him down, giving Orton a smile. That lasts until the Undertaker goozles him, preparing for a Choke! Cowboy Bob tries to come in to help out, but the Undertaker intercepts him, then blocks the attempted RKO from Randy. He gets the urn, smashing both members of the Orton family! He delivers the Tombstone Piledriver to Bob, then grabs Randy and delivers another, planting his true opponent and covering him to end the match! Afterwards, the Undertaker takes his urn and tosses it on top of the cell, before climbing up himself. He celebrates on top, to the roar of the crowd.

Winner: The Undertaker

Ace Thoughts: Ok, I have to admit, that was a hell of a match, er, pun unintended. Randy Orton really put a lot into this one, giving up a lot to make this great. Yes, the Undertaker did a lot as well, but it was the possibility that Randy could actually win that made this exciting. Blood flowed everywhere in this one. I believe we had at least four people bleeding in a one-on-one match. That has to be a record. This right here is the reason to rent this PPV, because you won't be disappointed (unless you were hoping for a death-defying plunge off the cage ala Mick Foley).

The Benoit/Booker T match, the Undertaker/Orton match, and yes, even the Cruiserweight Title match are good enough for you to take a chance on. And, actually, I wouldn't call any of the other matches horrible, and only the Boogeyman portion needs the fast-forward to take place, so this one would be worth picking up if you're a fan. If you happen to see it for $4, trust me, you want to grab it up as quickly as possible.

Peace,
The Accelerator