And there goes another commercial. Something about a new weed wacker now on the market. Seriously, do they really think fans of the ICWF are going to see that commercial and rush out to buy it? I don't think so. Well, let's let you fans in on current events. I'm sure all of you were watching yesterday when we had, well, a few snafus in our coverage of Anthony Logan's ghost-hunting expedition. Things just didn't quite go as planned. Let's just say it straight out: Anthony Logan, Michelle Lewis, and Austin Stevens are all missing. We're not really sure what happened to them. Hey, Roy, do you have that news report cued up? Alrighty then. Here, folks, in case you missed it, here's the local news station for the nearby city, and what they had to say about the event. Roll it!

Reporter: In other news, a search has been launched today in regards to three missing people. Yesterday, in what was believed to be a simple fun-loving expedition to the McBannion mansion, Anthony Logan, a familiar face to the Insane Championship Wrestling Federation professional wrestling community, and two other individuals vanished during a live feed transmission back to the ICWF headquarters. A rescue team was immediately dispatched, but found nothing up at the old homestead, despite a thorough search of the residence. The only items found were various "ghost" supplies that one of the paranormal experts had brought with them.

The McBannion mansion has long been thought to be a center of strange happenings. Ever since Mr. McBannion passed away in the tragic fire that consumed one-quarter of the house 20 years ago, many scientists and thrillseekers have dared to spend the night in the 'haunted house'. Multiple groups have sustained casualties, which led the local constabulary to put up off-limits signs for the building. One expert has claimed that the mansion is like a Bermuda Triangle on land. While some have considered this event a publicity stunt, generated to bring even more attention to the largely popular wrestling federation, others are deeply concerned about where the three missing people are at this moment. The search patrols are continuing to comb the nearby mountainsides and plains for any sign of the wrestler and his friends. We will keep you informed as to the state of the investigation as it develops.

Ok, so that's the news report that they put out. As far as we've heard, the search really isn't helping. For one thing, when it starts to get dark, the people immediately flee, not wanting to be near the place at night. That cuts possible search times in half. But we're doing the best we can. Unfortunately, we're really not sure if we're going to be able to find the young wrestler in time for his match against Milo Decadent. Truthfully, most are simply worried about Anthony's health. Andrew Logan tried to break out of the hospital when he heard the news, vowing to find his younger brother, but was fortunately subdued and sedated by the hospital staff. Only a couple of attendants were injured. So, well, there's not much else we can talk about. We'll come back on to the ICWF Network when we know more.... wait, what'd you say, Roy? We've got live feed? You're kidding. Really? Well, then, put it on the air, quit stalling! Roll it!

...

Ok, let's see here. We've got a lot of haze. It's pretty bright, but we really can't see much. Wait, ok, the camera's spinning around and, oh, there's Austin's face! He's alive! Wow, that's good to hear. ODJ's going to be thrilled that he doesn't have to pay more worker's comp. Handy Man really stretched the budget in that department. The camera continues to twirl around through the shining atmosphere, until it semi-focuses on another guy, who seems to be standing in midair. He turns slowly to look at the camera, his hair waving behind him. His face is showing the effects of days gone by, with stubble popping out everywhere. He smiles at the camera as Austin's hand can be seen, giving him a thumbs up. Anthony "Lightning" Logan takes his place in front of the camera, and starts to talk. His voice has a light, almost echo quality to it.

Anthony Logan: I can't believe you finally got it going, Austin. You are truly a marvel. It's no wonder that ODJ hired you at that high contract. So do you think it's transmitting to the outside world? Well, I guess there's a chance of it, at any rate, so we'll go ahead with what we planned. Hello, guys and gals watching this broadcast. In case you were wondering, nope, I'm not dead, and I'm not a ghost, although you're not far off. Near as we can tell, we're on some other plain from the place you're dwelling in now. After my brief battle with that scary old dude, the room we were in just exploded, sending us flying into this zone. The twilight zone, maybe, I don't really know. I'm not a science major, I have no clue!

Ok, this is wild. Folks, just to let you know, I really have no clue what's going on, so my usual narrator skills just aren't going to be up to par. Let's just watch and see what happens. Anthony's drifting to the right now. His feet are moving slowly, but apparently are finding purchase under the fog.

Anthony Logan: We're not really sure how long we've been in this place. My watch claims that it's been less than a day, while it feels like it's been a week or more. I hope my watch is correct. I'd hate to have missed my match with Milo Decalcomania. After all, it's my big chance in the singles division. If I beat the hell out of a minor champion, maybe they'll start to take notice of me. But until we find a way out of here, I guess there's not much we can do. Michelle's working on that now. Oh, by the way, we did rescue her from the spirit force, or whatever it was. She's got a few scars, physically and mentally, but she'll be fine. She's a tough broad.

So, Andrew, I know you're probably freaking out wherever you are. Just to let you know, we're all ok. There haven't been any attacks for a while now. Apparently the thing's given up. I just wish it would show us the door, so we could get out of its hair. Well, anyway, as long as we're stuck here, waiting, we've opted to do another interview. Hey, when you're floating in an empty void with not so much as the funnies out of the local newspaper, you'll do anything to keep yourself amused. Besides, like I said, Michelle's using her knowledge and the tools that she's got to scan for an exit. I'd only be in her way, or so she told me. So let's talk about Doubledecker for a while.

Anthony moves to his right, I think, it's hard to tell. Anyway, he 'sits' down, looking like he's in an easychair of some sort, although we can't see anything underneath him. His feet are even propped up in the air. Wild. He looks at the camera, composed as always.

Anthony Logan: So let's see, what can I say about ol' Milo? I mean, I haven't gotten to see any of his interviews for the past, uh, however long it's been. And of course I haven't had access to any of the tapes that I watched a while ago. I've gotten some great zero-gee training, and my various fights have really made for some great exercises, but info has been at a minimal. What I do know is that Milo likes to think of himself as one of the future World Heavyweight Champions. Lots of wrestlers like to think of themselves that way. Even myself. Really, who wouldn't like to see that gold around their own waists? Unfortunately, poor Milo hasn't dealt with the unfairness of life yet. He hasn't had the life lessons that would teach him the truth: that only certain individuals will make it all the way to the top, like myself and my brother, while others will have to be stepping stones rather than the ones that are stepping, like Deca-doodle.

I'm sorry, Milo, but everything I've seen about you has led me to one opinion, and one opinion only: that you're a good North American champion who will probably never be able to go higher than that. Some people are better off staying in the lower divisions, and feeling like a champion, rather than coming up to the heights of the ICWF and becoming a jobber to the guys who really rule the roost. I know you want to see yourself as a success someday, but come on, you must know that your life is about as good as it's going to get right now. You've got some gold, so sit back and enjoy it, ok? Don't try to act all high and mighty, like you're going to dethrone TLS or whoever else holds the belt at the time, because you're just not worthy of that honor. It's the truth, and I'm always a truthful guy.

Now, as for this Friday, if it hasn't already passed yet, well, you'd just better hope that my trust in Michelle is misplaced. If I can't make it to the arena, then you'll get the win via forfeit. If it happens, it happens. I'll live with it, assuming I get out of here sooner or later. But if we do find the right portal and work our way there, then you're just going to have to deal with a loss on your record. Because I'm even more prepared now for a fight with a solid opponent, who I can toss into the ropes and drill on the rebound. I'm looking forward for a few moments with the Strike hitting its target, followed by a 1-2-3. I'm really excited about the opportunity to give the fat cats in the back a glimpse of what is to come. It's my mission in life to make it to the top of the ICWF in both divisions, Deco. We've done it with the tag-team belts. Now it's time to reach for the stars and see what satellites of gold I can get my hands on.

Anthony smiles, anticipating a great fight, or so I think. For all I know, he's smiling because of something Austin's doing behind the camera that we can't see. Damn, I hate this fog. I REALLY hate not having a script! Sheesh. Anyway, Anthony looks off into the distance, and waves his arm. We can hear a voice shimmering through the air. It's faint, though. I think it said "Come over here", but I could just be assuming that since Anthony and Austin are on the move in that direction. They get closer, and through the mist we can see Michelle, standing, er, sort of, and looking towards them.

Michelle: How's it going? Did you get the camera working?

Anthony Logan: Yep, Austin's a whiz when it comes to electronics. Considering how badly broken up the camera was after that explosion, we should really be happy that it's even functioning at all. As far as we can tell, it's aimed towards the satellite dish on the van. If it's still parked anywhere near that haunted house we were at, the guys at the ICWF should be receiving it.

Michelle: Let's hope so. Then my family can stop worrying about me. Hi, Mom, we're ok, really!

Anthony Logan: Yeah, we're all fine. We're just trapped in this other place, with no clue how to get back, that's all.

Michelle: Nice way of putting it. Well, I think I've got a clue here. This patch to our left is showing signs of what I registered before things started to hit the fan. I'm going to try and recalibrate this machine to work out the pattern. Austin, your help might be appreciated once you're done recording. So, Anthony, ummm, any sign of that 'thing' recently?

Anthony Logan: No, Michelle, and don't worry, if it reappears, then I'll do what I did last time, and that's kick ass. Whether it's Titanic III, Milo Decacards, or just some old spooky goblin, I can handle it. Now you just keep working here, and we'll keep look-out. Austin, come over here for a second. We'll tape a little more, then get you working with her on that board, ok?

The camera nods up and down, making a weird pattern through the mist. Hopefully none of our viewers are puking right now. They step to the side, away from Michelle, and Anthony faces the camera again.

Anthony Logan: Ok, Milo. We've said about all we need to say to each other, really. I wish I could comment about whatever you've been doing over in Britain, you know, soccer games, visiting Big Ben, whatever, but the reception really sucks here. Hopefully you're still excited about our match. You haven't let the fear of facing someone of my calibur get to you, have you? Nah, you're a champ, sort of, so I guess you'll be there. We're really going to have a match to make all those ICWF fans sit up and stare, that's for sure. A battle between the High Times Saloon and the Strike. London, England vs. Chicago, USA. It should be a hell of a lot of fun. I can't wait to see what your culture brings to the fight. Are we going to have a tea break inbetween? I like it with two sugars, by the way, in case you need to prepare beforehand.

Let's just leave it at this, Milo. It's going to be a sensational fight that'll make the announcers start breaking out the alcohol and chugging down the tequila, or whatever that guy's drinking now. Hopefully, I can make it into a pleasing atmosphere for everything to enjoy, as I smack you around like the bitch you can be sometimes. I've got a lot of moves that I'm anxious to show you. They may not all have names yet, but they're still going to have a hell of an impact on you, that I guarantee. Your world is going to turn upside-down. It'll be as off-track as the place I'm in now, because I always send my opponents flipping in every direction. Gravity is of no concern to me. So you keep preparing, Milo. You get your stretching in. You do whatever training that Brits do to keep themselves in shape, be it drinking, drugs, whatever. Because sooner or later, I'm getting out of here, and when I do, I'm coming for you. The Lightning is going to Strike you down where you stand. I guarantee it.

Anthony's grin is glowing, as he looks towards the camera. Wait, his whole face is glowing. What the hell's going on? Oh, now he's looking over at something, and there goes the smile. He's completely intense now. He yells something about getting out of the way to Austin and pushes him back, then runs forward, at the same colored brightness we saw yesterday! Oh, crap, what's going on?? Oh, wait, the camera's fading again! No, get it back! Damnit! Anthony's shove must have dislodged one of Austin's careful connections! Just great. Well, at least we know they're kind of safe, right? Right? Ok, so that doesn't work at all. Well, hell, what do you want me to do about it, pay for a psychic and try to contact Anthony through a Quiji Board or something? I don't know what to do! Just tune in tommorrow, and we'll have some more L-Files for you! Cut transmission!